Im a spaced out scientist and i like to fish
for inner outer space folks on my huge satellite dish
would aliens screech like nails on a chalkboard
I wonder if martians even have vocal chords
(or if they sneak in my mind like the devil when im bored)
Maybe they speak some form of space spanish?
catching on here causing english to vanish?
Then one night I got the answers i seek
garbled staticy alienspeak
as my telescope scanned the sky
In broken english "on our way to Neptune but we will stop by".
this kind man will ask them if mankind has hope
then jam them up for some cosmic dope
(weed grown on the dark side of the moon, space dust, pluto pills etc.)
I ask them for an ozone layer fix
but it would be lunacy to argue galactic politics.
I would break the ice with a few jokes
to test the humour of these logical space folks.
(Knock knock whose there? Doris. Doris who?
left keys in the flying saucer and door is locked.)
I ask them about the big bang
they were creationists and showered me with slang.
so many light years in the cockpit what about hemmoroids
since they are on your butt why arent they called asteroids?
They looked at me hungerily giving me a hunch
my out of this world guests are ready for a picnic lunch
I hopped in my ford comet to get mars bars, milky ways and moon pies
These rude spacemen threw away the candy
and asked for more flies.
take me to your wise leader one et said while poking me with his bony finger
I said find him yourself his names Jerry Springer
then it dawned on me why these space creeps were eager to converse
the silver tongued devils would hit on earth women....the finest in the universe.
It really must suck to wake up with an alieness in your bed
cuz they have no boobs and big light bulb shaped heads.
Their snooty answers held no gravity so without hesitation
I told them this parties over time to return to your space station(i said "if you dont leave I will call immigration")
They called me unmentionable names with Sass
and even had the nerve to ask for ten bucks for gas!
(im cool but not shelling out for their rocket fuel)
What did I get from all this space babble?
a few new words i can use when I play Scrabble.
All my communications devices im going to disable
and use my satellite dishes usefully...to steal cable.