HiDn TeArZ

by Bredada   Feb 28, 2005


She conceals her tearz
Covers her Fearz
without realizing she's so unreal
INside shes crying
n feels as if shes dying
Grabs knife
decides to take her life
She sees her blood
Creating a flood
All beacuse
of those, those
HID'N Tearz

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Larry

    I liked what you tried to do -- but it could have been better -- but I think purposely misspelling some of the words with the letter "z" instead of "s" acknowledges your youth -- a lot of younger people use this speech when chatting -- so, it seems as if the poem is directed toward younger readers -- you want your poetry to speak to all ages and misspelling words, even though you did it purposely, will not allow you to do that! Poetry should rolloff of the tongue and misspelling words can tongue that readers and they get aggravated and stop reading -- you don't want that! You want to make it easy for them to read while simultaneously making your point and expressing get in a beautiful manner -- with some changes it could be an excellent award-winning poem! If you would care to know what I would do, e-mail me! Please don't be offended -- I just love poetry!

  • 11 years ago

    by Vegetable

    Very good, I liked how you got meaning across even though you used slang, most slang poems loose some of their emotions. But this is very good.

  • 11 years ago

    by Megadrive

    I like this one, its really pretty, but of course also sad:( good job keep up the good work!

  • 12 years ago

    by Sarah Ann

    Very good. short to the point. good

  • 12 years ago

    by Johnny Marlin

    awesome poem, take care and thank you for the comment.