Ooh! i like the dark twist on such a light subject matter. the repitition is good too. sorry im not very useful at this sort of thing, i only really critique if i dislike a poem, but i like all yours soo far, so its a bit hard. i will be cruel and merciless on some of the others. promise.
... the poem was great. i truly liked your write. it was so creative. ive read many poems where you can picture what is happening but you just set it out for the reader and it makes it so much clearer. this tecnique was different and i liked it. shows some about your personality.
I liked the playful tone of this and the way you described the â€œchildish painting.â€ The way you used questions, this of course is the way of a child, questions, questions, questions. Although this is good, I cant help feeling the poem is told rather than shown naturally. Do you understand what I mean? I just couldnâ€™t â€œseeâ€ enough of the poem, thatâ€™s all. Good job though. Keep it up.