The last line broke it off. But I love the original concept I've never heard a poem about this before and the first time was spectacular.
You write with so much creativity and talent.
Ohhhh I love this!
The imagery was beautifully done, creating vivid pictures, flow was perfect throughout, and I loved the ending, it was very intense, and something that I didn't seem coming, which was a surprise.
A very interesting poem. I love the concept which you are writing about. Through the eyes of a socially established "mad man."
"He'll say, 'How are you today?', in that soft calming voice
He'll ask 'Fancy a chat?' s'not like he gave me a choice
And I'll just rock back and forth, staring back into space
'I dream of riding demons, whilst angels give chase'"
This stanza is quite powerful in itself. You are giving the reader an insight to what it is like to be institutionalised. The 'being told' what to do and even what a psychologist expects from his patient. Intriguing because obviously your character is quite aware of his actions, of his surroundings. And you just seem to be critiquing the fact that although this character is apparently quite sane, none of these so called proffessionals have established that.
"That's what he wants me to say, that's what he wants me to think
So I'll just keep talking crazy, until he runs out of ink
He'll say 'That's it for the day', throw another pill my way
Put me back in my jacket and then just lock me away"
Here I feel that your poem becomes even more powerful. You are demeaning the psychologist as being only a human in a job. What a scarey concept you present. This 'psychologist' who has the life of your character in his hands and to him THAT is merely a job. A job that he performs routinously without caring to truly see.
"somewhere where they can't give chase"
What a beautiful way of describing death. This person has been trapped all their life and finally through the act of suicide, they will be free. Beautiful.
"dine with death instead"
Yet another dramatic, yet beautiful line in your poem. He/she has dined alone for years and now shall dine with death. I love it.
A great poem overall, as I said, I especially love the idea which you present.
I do, however, feel that you can re-write this to make it alot more dramatic. Perhaps make it a few stanzas longer by describing the mental torture he must be experiencing by being locked away. I think this poem has the potential of being an excellent piece of work if you give it just a little more attention. Nonetheless, you get a 5/5 for me because you present something that is unique and beautiful imagery. I look forward to seeing the re-written piece, should you decide to take my advice.
I think if you look at my poem, "rage" you will see what I mean by being dramatic. I look forward to your comments.