Comments : Llife in an Insane World

  • 10 years ago

    by *Charisma*

    Oh...i hate suicide. But as far as the poem itself goes, very good. It was intense, frightening, and dark. A good piece of poetry, though not a personal preference. :)
    Charisma*

  • 10 years ago

    by Wings Of Flames

    The last line broke it off. But I love the original concept I've never heard a poem about this before and the first time was spectacular.
    You write with so much creativity and talent.
    thank you!
    5.5
    -Emma

  • 10 years ago

    by KT Mackey

    The last line was kinda reminding me of "Okay, lets get this over with." but other than that, its real good.

  • 10 years ago

    by Allison

    I thought this poem was REALLY interesting. I think your writing style is really good! =] 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by katie

    It was really touching it sounded so real

  • 10 years ago

    by Hope

    It was to "dark"... but da start n da middle was alryt...

  • 10 years ago

    by Jessica

    I like ur writing this is a rele good poem,, i liked it bcz it ended wih there is only one way out,, i liked how u thought of that,, that was very good,, i can tell u have a big imagination
    Janaynay

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Ohhhh I love this!
    The imagery was beautifully done, creating vivid pictures, flow was perfect throughout, and I loved the ending, it was very intense, and something that I didn't seem coming, which was a surprise.

  • 10 years ago

    by why is life so miserable

    I love this poem and i like what u did with it too good job 5/5 d3f!
    =======cynthia m. X]

  • 10 years ago

    by just a girl in this world

    Really dark....but it was o.k.

  • 10 years ago

    by Willow

    Very tragic story. the last few lines were very shocking but fell into place nicely. i enjoyed reading this poem. one of the best i've read today. 5/5. love willow oxox

  • 9 years ago

    by your loving sistertwin

    My god that was incredibly written!!! I enjoyed reading that VERY much! that was GREAT!

  • 9 years ago

    by desiring love

    I love the last line good

  • 9 years ago

    by Natalie

    A very interesting poem. I love the concept which you are writing about. Through the eyes of a socially established "mad man."

    "He'll say, 'How are you today?', in that soft calming voice
    He'll ask 'Fancy a chat?' s'not like he gave me a choice
    And I'll just rock back and forth, staring back into space
    'I dream of riding demons, whilst angels give chase'"

    This stanza is quite powerful in itself. You are giving the reader an insight to what it is like to be institutionalised. The 'being told' what to do and even what a psychologist expects from his patient. Intriguing because obviously your character is quite aware of his actions, of his surroundings. And you just seem to be critiquing the fact that although this character is apparently quite sane, none of these so called proffessionals have established that.

    "That's what he wants me to say, that's what he wants me to think
    So I'll just keep talking crazy, until he runs out of ink
    He'll say 'That's it for the day', throw another pill my way
    Put me back in my jacket and then just lock me away"

    Here I feel that your poem becomes even more powerful. You are demeaning the psychologist as being only a human in a job. What a scarey concept you present. This 'psychologist' who has the life of your character in his hands and to him THAT is merely a job. A job that he performs routinously without caring to truly see.

    "somewhere where they can't give chase"

    What a beautiful way of describing death. This person has been trapped all their life and finally through the act of suicide, they will be free. Beautiful.

    "dine with death instead"

    Yet another dramatic, yet beautiful line in your poem. He/she has dined alone for years and now shall dine with death. I love it.

    A great poem overall, as I said, I especially love the idea which you present.

    I do, however, feel that you can re-write this to make it alot more dramatic. Perhaps make it a few stanzas longer by describing the mental torture he must be experiencing by being locked away. I think this poem has the potential of being an excellent piece of work if you give it just a little more attention. Nonetheless, you get a 5/5 for me because you present something that is unique and beautiful imagery. I look forward to seeing the re-written piece, should you decide to take my advice.

    I think if you look at my poem, "rage" you will see what I mean by being dramatic. I look forward to your comments.

    Natalie

  • 9 years ago

    by Ike Dizzle

    Dang...That was great scenery lol. It felt like i was there. I'm still like dang...great job
    -vino

  • 9 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Too many I's, me's, my's...... but a decent interpretation of what may go on in the mind of someone who is mentally ill.

  • 7 years ago

    by xKornxGirlx

    Theres nothing i can say that someone else hasn't already mentioned. but just wanted to let you know i enjoyed it.

  • 6 years ago

    by Dominique Lewis

    This is poem is lovely cause it is like me a lot. good job and keep up the good work.

  • 6 years ago

    by Pink Butterfly

    This poem rocks!!! Though it's quite morbid... I really enjoyed reading it. "Dine with death instead"??? pls... not yet!!! Write more instead!!! Life is wonderful... God bless you!!!

    -Pink Butterfly-

  • 6 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I would have to say the slang was done in the highest taste like folk lyric