That was amazing. I'm not just saying that, it was really was.
I loved the way you described so many seperate lives, with each person being so different yet all feeling the same
Excellent rhythm as well, it had me hooked from start to finish!
I totally understand your intentions of writing this poem. You are probably sick of cliques and stereotypes I am guessing. However, we need them. Without them, this world would be super boring. We need every different kind of person out there, even if we don't like them. I really liked this poem, it does show the faults in each type of person. No one is perfect, we all know that. The best thing to do, is don't pay attention to them. I don't. I don't label or categories. I call them people. Well anyways, I liked this poem. I understand what you were getting at. I use to be the same way. I always judged people based on what clique they fell in. I realized, those groups, there was diversity. Each clique, had people that were different.
Lol, ok I'm sorry, I'm just ranting. About the poem! Awesome job on this one. It is a very good life lesson for people to learn. You wrote this well, and I really enjoyed the structure, the flow and the rhymes.
I loved the flow and rhyme and rhythm of this poem. this idea in poetry is one i normally dislike because of its overuse and normal cr*p results, perfect person all happy self abuses. however this poem changed my view, it was done with a sophistication and a profound objective view, i loved it.
This poem was amazing. I love how you described the exterior image everybody has, then went on to describe how broken up they are inside. It just goes to show us that even the happiest looking person in the world, who appears to have it all, can be more broken inside than anyone will ever know.
WOW! this poem is amazing!! great!! fantastic!! i dont really know what to say , so many things spring to mind, and i cant get them out right! i loved this idea! very deep! i loved the way you chose to many seperate lives and portrayed them so well. And also a very deep message- that not even the person who seems to be happy- means they really are, and that we all really at some point hide how we really feel..Trulkeyamazing! you have so much talent!
This poem is amazing.. Honestly. It brought tears to my eyes. Oh how true this poem is. This poem really touched me. I had chills running up & down my body. It flowed so well.. and nothing at all seemed forced. Don't ever stop writing!
Wow. I think this is one of my favorites from you because of the message. The entire poem was great, and I liked how you wrote about everyone, and not just one person. It's more easy for people to relate to. The last stanza, was the best I must say.. It had such meaning to it.
This one's extremely sad.
The first time I read it.
I thought it was only one person.
Second time, I read slower.
I have to admit.
It's pretty good.
If it was any other writer
I would say it seems a bit cliched.
But then it's you.
And you did something wonderful to it.
You had 5 separate people
With different perspectives.
Not you. But them.
I love it.
5/5 from me :]
Wow.. i read this in the contest (Relient K). and i was really BLOWN AWAY! its so true, ad emotional, and 99% of the rhyming and flow was perfect. i love how each child had there own story, and how although they seem perfect, they have so much they hide.
That was the good, this is the not so good. lol::
Our little homecoming queen, standing on the scale,
Got her finger down her throat, she won't fail;
i think the 'she won't fail' is a tad too short, it throws off the flow a bit for me. maybe instead: she will never fial? or something...
But later tonight he'll drive his car off of the bridge,
He's got nothing else to lose, so what's the risk?
No matter how you say them. bridge and risk don't rhyme.. lol. and it throws off the whole stanza, at the worst part-the end, so it basicly ruined that part for me. =[
i also think the 3rd and 4th stanza should be switched due to the fact of the out come of the thrid-she kills her self. this is the most impacting stanza(besides the last) because it actually happened, where as the others it hasnt happened yet.
And although i wrote a lot in the 'bad' part, it really wasnt that bad.. lol. at all. i loved it. amazing job. o.o