Ooops...

I wonder what it would feel like to drown
To be that depressed that I'd want to die
What event would be big enough to push me over the edge
to commit my final act.
Maybe I should try the first step
what I call 'self harming'
So many people I know do this, why I do not know?
I could guess; attention seeking? Suffering abuse?
How would I know? Why would I want to?
Yet maybe theres something magical about the blade
upon the skin.
When the flesh is cut and the blood rushes to the
surface, something in that instance, a thrill, a release
looking at it, watching
you have to watch, to embrace the feeling or miss the magic.
It does not last long.
Each time you have to cut deeper, further, more
once you've felt the buzz, the thrill
you get addicted, wanting more and more
Until the blood looks so red against the skin,
which is quite pale now.
Now I think about it I've never seen myself whiter.
Just one More cut, one more thrill, one more
buzz, one more release ... then I'll stop.

Oops...