I wish i was there

Sittin in my dad's house
and looking through this photo book,
2 pages catch my eye,
it seems like an hour i just looked

at these smiling boys at Christmas
with their little mullets,
the smile that they give
shoots through my heart just like bullets.

three i have never seen before,
two i have seen one time,
these boys are my brothers,
but i have no part in their lives.

sorrow fills my soul as
i think of all that I've missed-
46 different birthdays,
too many Christmases.

tomorrow is Daniel's birthday,
he'll be 11 years old.
another birthday I'll miss,
another story unknown.

so I'll think of him and wish
i could give him hugs and toys
and i hope that he'll be happy,
along with the rest of the boys.

and I'll think of them always,
while they don't know i exist,
but i hate how these things are,
i wish it weren't like this.

so many moments missed,
some i may never know:
too many years lost,
with so little hope.

I'm the only sister they've got,
the one who's never there:
no big sister support,
no big sister care.

but I'll promise to the moon and stars,
there WILL be a day
when they know that their sister DOES care,
i swear it to my grave.