Comments : Live, love, laugh, learn, and then die

  • 10 years ago

    by Catastrophic Beauty

    Excellent poem. I wondered what it was going to be like after I read the title and 'cause it's in the sad category. I really like how it turned out to be about death; I didn't expect that.

    Anyway, the flow of this poem was great except for one little thing. The second line of that last stanza, It's too much syllables, if you change the "can not" to "can't", that would definitly fix that problem.

    Keep it up!

    -Shannon <3

  • 10 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This poem is good...but the rhyming seemed a little forced in places...and there is one line that i think is a little too long...

    "But your death I can not ever deny."

    ^^ i agree with catastrophic beauty...maybe you should change can not to cant or take the word ever out of the poem....it would read alot better...but overall i like the poem so i give you a 4/5.. nice job.

    ~michelle~

  • 10 years ago

    by Keisha

    I love your poem. I don't see anything wrong with it. It flows perfectely. I feel where you're coming from. GREAT job!!!!!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Mo

    Good descriptive words and I like how you use different words to rhyme with (rather than your typical words that are so predictable).

    Well done - very sad (and maybe the only thing I could suggest is to make it a bit more emotional - I knew you were sad but it sounded like you weren't grieving when you wrote this - maybe numb or even over it and accepting it?)

    Just my thoughts. :) Good write.

    Mo

  • 10 years ago

    by Sumit Ojha

    Really nice poem... I like it :D
    Keep up this good work

    ~ Sumit Ojha

  • 10 years ago

    by ALEX

    Thank you for your comment on my poem.

    Inferred.. I think it would be interred? I'm not sure.
    Distraught isn't a verb.

    Oh. Now I understand the weird flow of it. =D Um, a better way to "line up" your lines is to use the same number of syllables. It really makes the poem sound better, even if the lines are a little more off.

  • 10 years ago

    by tears i cry

    Great+excellent=amazing and thats what this was purely amazing u had me sucked in from the first stanza
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by DarkLore

    Hello old friend, I really enjoyed this one, but then poems of the fragility of mortality and the loss of others holds particular significance to me.

    Thanks for another beautiful poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    This is beautifully written and yet so heartbreakingly sad at the same time, the pain and emotion is clear for the reader to see...beautiful work on this.

  • 10 years ago

    by Richard Machado

    This was a wonderfully written poem. Learned a few new words from this poem, so that I am very happy about. This is basically the absolute excellence of poetic capability, not to be too overdramatic or anything. But, I simply loved it and thought it was sparkling clean, in form.

    Take care, Jenn!

    ~Richieeeee

  • 10 years ago

    by Veamm

    Excellent!

    ok, honestly i don't know what to say, because im fully stress now. ok..it had a good flow, descriptive and i love your title!

    keep it up!

  • 10 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    It's not bad, but it doesn't do much for me. It tells a story, but where's the emotion, where's the details?

    If you would have given me more, I'd rate higher, but I just didn't <feel> anything in this poem..

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 3.5

  • 10 years ago

    by GoodMEMORIES

    I think that it was wonderfully written. It was so full of depth and emotion... simple and perfect

    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by LiisaMariie143

    Wow. this was a great poem. godd job =]

  • 9 years ago

    by David Ensor

    I believe in a little more free form approach, so maybe i am not a good judge of actual poetry mechanics. Anyway, i do like to think i am a good judge of the feelings behind a poem and this one is very well done. I say screw the rhyming schemes and all that mess, write what you feel, that always ends up being the most beautiful stuff anyway.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sorefromreality

    I read it.
    I loved it.
    I wondered why I hadn't commented it before.

    Well, I think that anything I could critique is either absent or already mentioned in comments before mine.

    I like the title, because I always see thoser icons and pictures with the words, "Live.Laugh.Love."

    annoying.

    Your poem was very sincere and made one feel as if they were there looking at a friend, in a casket.

    I commend you for that.
    love ya lots,
    ~sore

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Another great release of true feelings

  • 9 years ago

    by Unamed

    This was really sad..i liked it tho!!..keep it up!!
    ***aLy***

  • 9 years ago

    by Sarah

    Excellent poem! The whole thing was awesome. Nothing has to be changed. Everything was written perfectly. So no worries. *Smiles*

    Great JoB!

    *_* 5.5

  • 9 years ago

    by Bernice

    Excellent poem well done keep up the great work