A bleed for forgiveness

For all the pain I caused I apologize
And for all the aches I initiate I ask forgiveness
I never meant to harm you but I did for your sake
I couldn't leave you hanging with a hope that I couldn't afford
And drowning in a dream that I couldn't swim in
I hope you understand one day how much it ached to leave you
But it was the only way
The way to keep you safe from my past that I couldn't forget
And am afraid I wont
A past of sorrow and grief that I didn't want you to share
A past of death the death I caused for my darling
Who was sweet just like a strawberry candy
And gentle like a free cloud dancing peacefully in the sky
But I disturbed that silence I pushed her down from where she was
I pushed her deep into the ground where she couldn't breathe
Where she lied in a misery
Far away from her dreamland
I cut her wings so she wont fly away
And stay near me
Where I can always have her
I was a selfish assassin
But I was blinded by her beauty and worried that I would lose it
I was terrified of the idea that I would wake up one day and I find her gone
And that is what happened
She left for a far place that I can't reach
Where she is safe to fly like a butterfly
From rose to rose dancing like she used to
She went back to the sky to live peacefully with a halo surrounding her head
I bleed for her to forgive and believe how much I adored her scent
And honored her grace and kindness
I wish on a star that one night she would look down on me and know that I loved her and will always do until forever I will hold her in my heart
And that after her love is none
That is why I abandoned you I didn't want to murder another butterfly
I want you to fly carefree into your wonderland
For I am afraid to love and lose again