Ur an amazing writer I hope that u continue and I'll continue reading...

I really like this one :)

Aww i really like this. It shows true emotion, well done :)

Hey Lance you were right i really enjoyed your poems. they're really deep!!
sincerely,
secretadmirer92

Oh i love this poem...it's a beautifully written poem...keep up the good work =]

I love this poem..its really good. Keep it up 5/5 x]

As I stare into thine eyes

^^ Okay, "thine" I don't like it in there. It seems like you're trying too hard. Just let your words flow naturally.

I see your pain, I hear your cries

^^ Hmm.. instead of just coming right out and saying "pain" and "cries" why don't you describe them? Or word it differently. It's just too plain.

I take you close and hold you tight

^^ I don't want to say anything bad about this line, because it's so sweet. :\ It [could] be improved, but I like it like this too.

show you not to loose the fight

^^ I think "show" is the wrong word to use here. Maybe "Help you not to lose the fight"?

you let out tears upon my neck

^^ Again, it's the wording :\ How about "I feel your tears coat my neck"?

you hate yourself, your life a wreck

^^ "hate". I don't like that word. Maybe try a different word like "loathe"? Also, "life" should be "life's".

when I'm there, i feel your love

^^ Capitalize the "i".

I set you free, you are my dove

^^ Ahh, I hate it when people rhyme "love" and "dove" it's just so overused. It gets a little boring.

i hold you here inside my soul

^^ Capitalize the "i".

we are lovers and we make a whole

^^ Okay, I did like this line. It was a great ending. It tied up everything nicely.

You could definitely feel the emotions, but I would have liked it to be a little longer.

Sorry if that wa a little harsh. :\

Keep writing!
Cayce

(i hope your right.... i would cry a trillion tears just to see him.... )

now if only all men were like you.... this world would be soo much better...

beautiful, very beautiful

:)

Best written1111!!!!!!!!!1
10000/5

I love this poem!
ur a wonderful poet!
keep it up!

Beautifully written

Spactilaur job!5/5
**harlea

I love the flow and the meaning of this poem :)

OMG this poems was fantastic added to my favorites

Excellent work.

"i hold you here inside my soul
we are lovers and we make a whole."

I loved that part. Great poem.

I love this.. and i can totally relate to that feeling.. this poem was amazing. written flawlessly. 5/5

Awww. thats really cute. it has tones of emotion. good job.
5outa5

**Bri