Confessions of a girl

I wake up everyday wishing i could be who i dreamed to be
a girl who wasnt so confused...who laughed for real
not as a mask or a false act...but a smile that was permented
a day to be a offical teen that also was part of my dream
laughin and hanging more with friends...why? cant that be me? to wake up and actually look in the mirror and like what i see....to stop feeling fat and feel like im everything i've always dreamed to be....for everyone to take me seriously and for my already brokenheart to be fixed again i dont think dat"ll ever be.but for me to come home after a long day in skool and sleep no tears but a good day just for me.....no calling my name asking me to get this and get that, for a day without screaming or facing such responesilbilties.....a day to myself without feeling exhausted, or feeling like im dying..better yet a day without facing decisions if weather or not i should stick this knife into my chest...for me to stop thinking i wont ever be ok....for me to eat without thinkin of my weight..for every1 to realize i cant be what they want me to be!!! for me to wake up without fears and regrets. for me to stop being shy and give up on about almost everything....but to go 2 skool and do my work without ever asking for extra help...but to actually no what im doing without being told....to stop asking myself....what am i suppose to do? omg i cant live like this?.....for all my negative thoughts to be erased...to pass a simple algebra test ill put that as my greatest wish list..to get everything i've always wanted...to get rid of all my scars.....to stop always living a lie.....to tell some1 my secrets.....to be that girl....damn i just want that to be me....but like that one feeling that one sharp feeling it always enters me....makes me think makes me feel like why am i here? then this one question explores my head and most times i feel like its taking control...and it is...who am i?....if i knew then this wouldnt be no poem.......but my best dream is to wake up and realize this is reality not everything gunna be as they seem....so i guess dreaming will only make me better.....i wish i could do it over and over...*sighs*......but i guess my life will continue.....it will always be depressed and worthless!!! so as most would say....F.U.C.K this world..i hate you too!!!