Push

It's a hazy fog I'm in
Since this started
A dream world I have entered
Bliss
Endless conversations
So open so honest
Just what I wanted
What I need
And I receive
All I could ask for
But my wall has been broken
You broke through
You got down to my core
So I run
And I push you away
I push so hard
I say those destructive words
Like poison
Scared of being damaged
And hurt
And left
I am so sorry my love
This is what I do
This is who I am
No more explanations
I just can't
Explain this mess
That's me
I just can't tell you
The reason
Why I'll push and push
Until you start running
I can't
All I know is
I dont want to lose you
Not another person
Because of my ignorance
Forgive me my love
You mean the world
And more to me
I won't ever let you go
Or let you down
Just stay a little while
And you'll see
The mess I am now
Will be worth it in the end

**I'm already ruining my new relationship that I am in. I am pushing away my boyfriend. And he means so much to me, he is everything I have ever wanted. But he has gotten deep down to my core and I get so scared. So I do things to push him away. Why? Because I am so afraid to get hurt again. Sooo afraid. But I just can't let myself ruin another good thing**