Inaudible

She knows what she wants to say but cant say it;
Because if she does shell choke.
Shell cry trying to get the words out.
Then they would turn out to be inaudible.
So she doesnt say them.
They repeat over and over in her head.
Wanting to get out but she cant say them.
She wants to scream, she wants to cry.
But she tries to refuse it.
She lets tears slip and all she wants to do is turn time back around.
Forget about what she thought.
Forget what she said.
Just Forget it.
Because it seems every time she gets close she pushes him away.
Even though its killing her inside.
She doesnt know why she keeps doing it, she feels awful about it.
Sometimes she wishes she was dead.
Because as much pain as she causes and how much suffering shes making every one, including herself, go through she just doesnt think its worth it.
She should have just died when she was choking or the time she was drowning.
But all she thinks about to keep herself under control is that god wants her for a reason.
Thats why he didnt let her die.
And all she can do is wonder why.