Guilty feelings about cutting

"Jesus loves you," they tell me
And I know it's true
But I think life would be better
If I loved me too

I'm plagued by self doubt
And also self-consciousness
I try and I try
Yet I'm still reduced to this

Locked away in a bathroom
With my razor blade in hand
Even if you wanted to
You could never understand

I raise my hand and begin to cut
The pain brings inner peace
I must be twisted, sick, and wrong
To let blood cause such release

When I am done I feel ashamed
And guilty for my transgression
How could there be love for anyone
Who needs pain to relieve her tension?