I can't

by Veamm   Mar 15, 2008


I can't

I can't feel my head anymore
Since that time I explore
I don't even see the road
Since this wrong move occured

I can't see any traces
Since that time I chose to move on
I can't hear her calling me
Since that time I walked alone

I can't analyze any plan
Since that time I felt cold
I can't wake in this nightmare
Since that time I was born

I can't even say any word
Since that time I heard you cry
I can't hold you in my arms
Since that time I said goodbye

I can't close my eyes
Since that time I learn to love you
I can't hold you anymore
Since that time I wanted to say I love you

Please recheck my English, I know Its not right! lol!

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Lemma

    This is really sweet and sad. I liked the last line but think it would have made more of an impact if you hadn't already mentioned the words "love you" in the same stanza. Perhaps there's a way you could replace the first mention with something else? Other than that, a really sweet write.

    Em xXx

  • 16 years ago

    by Lizaveta

    Repetition makes this poem really melodic
    and what caught my attention was the road metaphor that you develop in the 1st and 2nd stanzas via saying:
    "I don't even see the road"
    "I can't see any traces"
    "I walked alone"
    this is a smart way to show your feelings of facing difficulties on the "road of life"
    anf in the next stanzas you go from telling things metaphorically (emmm i'm not sure this word exists lol) to talking about your feelings themselves , and you repeat "i love you" twice. this openess and and frankness really lightens your poem
    great wrrite again
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    The line "I can't wake in this nightmare" would make more sense if you changed it to "I can't wake from this nightmare." I think you need to work on your tenses too.. but other than that I was a great poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Syn

    I think you need to work on youre suffixes

    Since that time I learned" to love you
    I can't hold you anymore
    Since that time I wanted to say I love you

    such a sad poem

    -Syn

  • 16 years ago

    by L0V3 Mi fAMilY

    It's a really good poem!
    It's written perfect w/ no errors!
    Good job!
    I liked it a lot!
    5/5