Realization of Fading(its reallly long srry)

When you sit and wait thinking your ragged and lost
think before you act because you may pay a higher cost
the faces you saw each and everyday
wont be the same when they look your way
each a look more worse than the other
whats sick is you know theres another
your friends spit harsh words that go and go
its seems unreal how easy the flow
each a faker,biter, and liar
you wonder when the act will tire
you have your secrets they have theirs too
you keep them but what do they do
they run about opening their mouth
thought things were ok but now their going south
you hold back the anger as you watch ppl play victims
not knowing thats shes dying for a prescription
her friends toss her off and about
but they always leave her in doubt
these so called a c t o r s are her friends
but just wait shes counting till it ends
shes unhealthy she wants to scream
but that only happens once a while in a dream
shes tired of the played out talks and unwritten replies
ditching all hope and embracing inner cries
shes sick to her stomach not just in her head
she'll off her self and be found dead
thats how her story tale goes
and how in the end no body will know
but in an earlier time in her written works
when found relief in a draw next to the forks
her bodies stained with deep sharpie marks
her arm cut up as if by starved sharks
shes hates what she did and how shes lived
even though shes already been forgived
her friends she no longer holds trust
her heart now about to deter and burst
she wants to make it so badly
to leave this town, this family everything;sadly
how her mind works is holding her back
past regret, embarrassment, worry, one more anxiety attack
shes held hostage in a world so unfair
stammering about it but theres no one to care
undiagnosed she has lived proof
this isnt a joke, its not a spoof
shes full of depression
she knows without hesitation
100% OCD
laying awake at times wondering when she'll be free
this is her life, and this is how it goes
living a lie, an act most know
she smiles and lies every single day
shes heard it before but she lives this way
she said shes no longer depressed
no longer dangerously overly stressed
she pretends she likes how she looks
she pretends not to write in her black composition books
hating every minute, she tears her self apart
to add to that some one wants her heart
already dumbfounded confused
theres too much to be self abused
shes keeping it hidden and hope it goes away
but she knows itll be back another day
shes stopped her cutting and half the lying
but right not shes on the verge of dying
because now holds a room where her worrys flow
now down the toilet, they all go
shes hiding it all over again
but this time she wont bargain
shes dead set on her plan for life
avoiding talk about her addiction to a blade and knife
skipping the talk about her old failed suicide
and drunken nights that she always did hide
never admitting to how wrecked she really is
not wanting it bigger than this
now it seems all a contest
whose worse off, whose more of a mess
i dont want to be in any of it at all
i just want to move on and break down this wall
once you've been through it all you never realize
the smallest things you now do prize
she keeps things hidden and put off
just in case she might go off
but then again she could be good
even sometimes she really thinks she could
her friends wont change and thats alright
they'll laugh and cry and sometimes fight
even if they always lie
she wont care even if they might try
shes opened a new book, reading all the pages
even if it takes for ages
shes getting to it, and getting it done
because after that, all you keep is the fun

** im srry its really long but i was in the mood and thought it was good to put it all together, this kinda was just a whole sigh of relieve from things that have been going on thnkxx**