Just tell me

Have you ever felt

as if you wanted to kill yourself

all because of your lacking in someone Else's life

as if you bring it nothing but misery

and your living in a dark and sad painting

have you ever wanted to cut your insides up

rip your hair out

and cry forever

have you ever wondered about being in heaven

but you feel as if you deserve hell

for another's pain

not one finger lay-ed on them

yet your actions and words are deceiving

and they bring all to fall

its so difficult knowing you cant and don't want to give up

but your constantly being pushed to the edge

i hold my head low

cause i know he deserves better

but theres nothing i can do

but think on what it could have been

I'm now learning that I'm losing the best of me

the part that completes me

and i know he needs me

although i need him more

as i drown in the fear of doubt

cause the feelings are all wrong

I'm never getting out

like a football game, going long

i hate myself to death

I'm ready to leave this earth

i have pills and knives

but mainly i have my gun

which i shall put to my head this night

so that no one will hurt anymore because of me