Frustrated and lonely..

I'm trying so hard to stay clean, things are so tough right now,
I wish reality wasn't there, i wish i wasn't siting here,fighting back unshedded tears, i feel the need, the urge to use so bad,just to escape,but I'm afraid if i do,I'll be lost for good,maybe thats what i want,no one seems to see the real problem, i have no friends,and i have no job,i had a best friend, but shes just bringing me down,making me slip, i don't know whats happened to me,i really don't,f_ck why cant you see, I'm dieing, I'm crying inside to be heard,to be touched,to be loved so bad,f_ck i hate you, I'm drowning in pain and frustration,and i don't know what to do,i have a problem,i know i do..... and all the hateful mean things i say i really don't mean,sometimes i have a hard time expressing my true emotions...........................