I breathe the air....

I wonder what has happened to me.
The one I love is so unhappy being with me.
It's not supposed to be this way.
Knowing this brings hurt and anger to myself, from within.

Why are the decisions I make always the wrong ones?
I didn't mean to hurt her the way she says I have.
Even I say these days, if only I had done things a little differently.
If I had, then maybe we wouldn't be putting each other thru Hell everyday.

I look at the gifts I have been given these last few years, and I think I've had all that I could have ever asked for.
I just keep losing everything, one way or another.
Someday, things will change, and I'll make her happy, at last.

I look at the gifts the world has given me,
and I hope to pass them on to the ones I love.
I look at the gifts God has given me,
and I hope to be worthy of them.

I breathe the air, it fills my lungs, and it is sweet.
I let it go, back to the world, and to God.
I listen to the rain, the wind in the trees, and it relaxes me.
I give it back to the world, and to God.
I watch the sunsets, the colors in the sky, and my heart smiles.
I give it back to the world, and to God.

I look down at the hole that will serve as my grave.
It waits for me, beckons me, pulling me in.
I've given everything back, that I don't deserve anymore.
I've given it back to the world, and to God.

I wonder, after what I have done to hurt, and sadden her,that I can't go back and change for the better,
if this grave of mine is deep enough.
Deep enough, so that the world... and God, cannot hear me cry.