Comments : This night of loves final journey

  • 11 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Such a clever write, using the last word of each line to begin the next. A nice challenge wondrefully executed!

    Michael

  • 11 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Such a clever write, using the last word of each line to begin the next. A nice challenge wondrefully executed!

    Michael

  • 11 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Wow that was one of the best poems I've read for the past month. It was beautiful. Flow was flawless. The meaning behind your words are very deep. Excellent job!

    I have to agree with what Mr Darcy said...

    "Such a clever write, using the last word of each line to begin the next. A nice challenge wondrefully executed!"

    5/5!

  • 11 years ago

    by Sarah

    Wow ! well written & beautifully penned poem...Emotional & strong..It took me back to where I once belonged...great job, keep it up

  • 11 years ago

    by Cindy

    Tom
    A very beautiful yet hauntingly sad piece. I really like the repition of the ending lines incorperated into the beginings of the next.

    This love, where your name rests lightly upon its tongue.
    A tongue long parched by your absence.
    An absence that desire can barely withstand alone,
    Alone though it is and alone for too long.

    This stanza really gripped my heart. The agony of being without your love is a terrible pain to live with.

    This love gathers you unto itself and collects its memories.
    Memories whose tears wash away the dust of time.
    Time that begs for the dawn as it searches for a witness,
    A witness as love dies this night.

    Living with your memories is so hard to do. You have painted such a sad picture for the minds eye.
    Excellent job!
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 11 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Tom,

    The repetition of the last word of your sentences in the next one gave this poem a unique quality.
    The story is very sad. Lately it seems to me us poets get a very large share of sadness in our lives:(

    Take care,

    Ingrid

  • 11 years ago

    by Tom Swart

    For those that like the style of this poem using the last word for the first word or thought of the next sentence there is someone else using it. Hellon uses it quite well also and I enjoy her works. She calls it looping. I did not know of this style and used it for this poem by pure accident but it felt good and I kept it going through this poem. It is the only one like it that I have written this way. thanks to all for the wonderful comments as well as private messages on this poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Another Excellent write, i loved the style you have written it in, very interesting =]

    This line stood out the most for me-
    Alone though it is and alone for too long.
    This poem is so sad and you manage to pull the reader into the atmosphere of the poem

    Great work, your a talented writter
    (thank you for your message btw)

  • 11 years ago

    by skyfox

    I was totally left in awe of the mental picture and the raw emotion that your words conjured. You carefully crafted a brilliant soul wrenching piece. You are very good at writing and I will read more. Thankyou for sharing.

  • 11 years ago

    by June

    Such a touching and truely beautiful piece.

  • 11 years ago

    by Dixiedaisy

    Wow,
    I am truly captivated at the style you have used in this piece. You have done the looping effect very well. I normally do not care to read love poems as they usually seem so cliche. This was wonderfully done.

    This love, where your name rests lightly upon its tongue.
    A tongue long parched by your absence.
    An absence that desire can barely withstand alone,
    Alone though it is and alone for too long.

    ^^^ This was my favorite stanza. Such breathtaking beauty.

  • 11 years ago

    by Krzysztof J

    A poem like your others writen with so much wisdoma nd years of ecpierence is so enriching on the sences :) thank you for sharing :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Phantasmagoria

    I really loved the descpritiveness, metaphors, and personification you used. Usually I won't even bother reading poems that use the kind of anaphora or repitition of the last word that I found in your piece, but the way the words were capturing overwhelmed that. =]

  • 11 years ago

    by gracey grey

    This love struggles to hold itself and trys to find strength from its past.

    Past which is embedded never letting go.........Sometimes I wonder if past is blessing at all? But its true, we do get strength from the past........

    Sadness that binds itself with the pain of remembering our youth,
    Youth that was so quickly spent and so quickly forgotten.

    Very true........my sentiments exactly.......and I love how you described it.....nostalgic

    "This love whose dry lips gather breath for a whisper,
    A whisper that starts deep within its heart,
    A heart whose faint pant gives birth to these murmurs ,
    Murmurs that linger for a moment then become silent.

    This love crys for itself as it wilts and longs for rest.
    A rest that shall put an end to the torment and the agony
    The agony of reality and the agony of this night...................."

    My two favorite stanzas................love, what it does ..........stirs up so much emotions ultimately getting lost somewhere in between...... at times I feel love to be a silent killer........hampers a lot in everything.Drains out life.......really loved this poem.And the style of writing is unique.Thanks for commenting on my poem...means a lot.

  • 11 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    Tom you are obviously a gifted writer, that much is evident from reading your poems,this was a very clever poem and was so beautifully expressed, a resounding well done

    Grant

  • 10 years ago

    by Chocolate Addict

    Nice, I like the form that you used to write this poem. Its really interesting the way you wrote this.

    This love crys for itself as it wilts and longs for rest.
    A rest that shall put an end to the torment and the agony
    The agony of reality and the agony of this night
    This night of loves final journey.

    ^^^ This stanza really stood out for me as you describe the your crying love and how it's going to end

    Great Job

  • 9 years ago

    by Ken

    Thsi was a great poem the way you used looping was perfect. The mean of the poem is very deep, deep enough to the point that I had to read it a second time. keep up the great work.

  • 7 years ago

    by retha

    Tormented be the soul to feel, reasured in time all scars grow and wounds heal.