The oceans rose

by shadowknight   Apr 23, 2008


She threw a single red rose into the sea,
the waves swallowing it into its deep watery grave,
a tear fell down her pale cheek,
as she knew this was the end,
her final goodbye.

She took slow steps on the sand,
her cloak sailing in the water behind her,
the hood covering her hurt-filled eyes,
that constantly bleed tears of rejection,
she looked into the red sunset.

Her lips curved into a small smile,
as her pale white hand removed a knife,
from the deep pockets of her cloak,
she dug deep into her wrist,
a triumphet look crossed her brow.

Thick red blood dropped on the clear white sand,
staining like ink,
she continued walking the edges of the ocean,
looking into the endless passage of water,
the smile began to fade.

Fear struck into her deep, blue eyes,
panic rinsed through out her body,
she blood was steadily flowing from her veins,
she fell to her knees,
holding her regretful mistake.

Her vision began to fade,
as the trail of blood began to grow,
her breathing shallowed,
as she collapsed into the low tide,
a single tear rolled down her cheek.

The rose sailed back to shore,
as the moon began to rise,
the waves rolled it back to shore,
it fell onto the sand,
covered in blood.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole the Fairy

    Hiiya.
    Okay..
    Stanza 1:
    - the view of the poem is telling the story, which is good, as many features and images are described, as a technique: imagery. Also I liked the descriptions:
    'The waves swallowing it into its deep water grave,'

    Stanza 2:
    - also good imagery is used here. Also, a metaphor is used, which adds more effect ;]
    'That constantly bleed tears of rejection'

    Stanza 3:
    - again! Great descriptions! Favourite line is:
    'A triumphant look crossed her brow.'

    Stanza 4:
    - very descriptive in this one too. Also more metaphors used, which is great.
    Metaphor is:
    'Staining like ink.'
    Also like how you’re telling the story as I read, very affective.

    Stanza 5:
    - AGAIN! Great descriptive language! Love the imagery!
    Favourite lines:
    'She fell to her knees,
    Holding her regretful mistake.'

    Stanza 6:
    - Imagery is still pretty good here! Liked how you have described the scenery.
    Favourite line:
    'A single tear rolled down her cheek.'
    ^ very elegant.

    Stanza 7:
    - Again a beautiful description. Like the setting and the mood. But I think there’s a mistake, line 4, fell. I don’t think that a rose in water can 'fall onto sand'??
    Maybe think about this one?

    Poem Conclusion:
    Very interesting and sad poem. Really liked the descriptive words and imagery used. Metaphors used are also good. Although, if I may suggest a few improvements?
    - When writing more/other poems, try not to drag the poem along- keep it simple.
    - Maybe the poem should be a little shorter, just a little, maybe by 1 stanza.
    Otherwise a great poem, very descriptive!
    The construction is also good, and had an interesting story line, setting, mood and character.
    Well done! Keep it up!
    Good work! Good Luck!
    5/5
    -- Nicole xx

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