Little Hands

Look at what I have made.
Look at what I helped create.
He is so cute,
He is so precious.
I am now a daddy,
Hi there little guy.
You got my eyes,
You got my smile.
You even got my nose.
Oh how I adore you little one,
Look at those little hands.
So gentle,
So soft.
So adorable.
I never thought this would happen,
I only thought I'd be alone.
But here I am holding you in my arms.
Oh how happy you make me,
My baby boy.
Oh I shall name you Connor John Lurz.
My first new boy baby boy.
Your eyes are an ocean blue,
So precious it must be true.
You've made me whole once again.

***I often dream about my future son,
I am just so afraid that it won't happen.
I want it to be I am ashamed not knowing what to do.
I want to be a daddy but I'm not sure how I can ever be one.
This son of mine that I dream about is just so amazing.
It's always the same dream, I'm sitting in the hospital chair and I know the person is laying in the bed but they are just a blur. I'm sitting there in that chair holding my son Connor. He never cries, He is so beautiful.
I want this dream to come true. Maybe god is showing me a part of my future. Maybe it's a sign. I'm scared I can never make this dream come true for I have things wrong with me. I am most likely able to have kids but many of you know my situation and know what my point is. Many most likely won't agree with the fact that a gay man should never be able to have kids. But I do want to have a son, I want to know what it is like to be a dad. I want to share every moment with him. This is to my future son, Connor John Lurz. I hope I see you one day soon. Love your daddy.***