Lost Myself For You Coz I Love You

Good work keep writing x

I see you in my mirror, and I'm dazed
I'm moving on hoping for someone to save me
promised myself to forget everything
wounded and tired, but still trying....
trying to run away from you
^^[First line]: Wow.. I can't relate to that so well.. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm in a daze. It's like a movie or something, and it kind of scared me. [Fourth and Fifth line]: These two lines go together very well and once again, I can relate to them. You're so hurt, yet you're trying so hard to run away from that certain person, that just doesn't seem to be going away. They're in your head and you can't get them out.

we had our time , it was fun
and it won't be forever,we're on the edge
i don't want to fall again and break
you won't see me bleeding, coz its on the inside that i cry and scream
^^ [Second line]: I was a little confused on what this line meant. What won't last forever? [Third line]: You need to capitalize the i. I understand this line. You're protecting yourself from getting hurt again. [Fourth line]: I think you need to slip this line into two separate lines. Make " coz its on the inside that i cry and scream" a fifth line, and I think you need to write "coz" as cause.

this emotion is killing me
i want you to feel how it feels like dying
i gave you my everything my best, my everything...
i want to slap you in the face ,but you know that i can't hurt you the way you kill me
^^ [Second line]: You need to capitalize the i. I think you also need to reword it because it's a little confusing. Try "I want you to know what dying feels like". or "I want you to know what it feels like to die". It would make a lot more sense to the reader. [Third line]: You need to capitalize the i. Also, you repeated "my everything" twice. I think you need to either take one of them out or change it to something else. [Fourth line]: Capitalize both i's. and like in the previous stanza, I think you need to split the line in two and make this: "but you know that i can't hurt you the way you kill me" a fifth line.

break my legs falling for you
pull my heart out to lost this drama
i can't take it anymore,i will lose my grip.
^^[Second line]: I think you should reword it like this: "Pull my heart out, and lose this drama". [Third line]: Capitalize the i. It sounds like you're falling.. I don't know if you mean falling in love or literally falling, though.

Moving On is the Best Way.. than dying
^^ Hmm.. this line, I get what you're saying, but it could be better. My suggestion is to say it like this: "Moving on is the best thing to do. It's better than dying". It just sounds a little better to me.

It was a pretty good poem, a really good venting poem. Just get all of those emotions out. I think you need to pay attention to capitalization and punctuation though. It really does make a poem better. A lot of people can relate to this poem, and it makes them feel like they aren't alone, so great job with that. I hope I wasn't too harsh.

Keep writing!
Cayce

Love the emtion in the poem, its, wow

Brilliant. i can relate.