Comments : Overturn The Moon

  • 15 years ago

    by Nix

    Title is truly amazing, it captured my attention.

    -I once started to run,
    then realized I was running in circles.
    Pursued by ones own tail;
    is an anguish none should know.-

    ^This is truly fantastic stanza, I like your idea for entire poem and in third line you put very deep message in this stanza.

    -Plunging deep within thoughts,
    I managed to recede the chase,
    though god overturned the moon;
    gently shining upon light...
    Becoming back to where I began
    seen by what I feared most...
    I started running in circles,
    as it's all I've ever known.-

    ^Overall this part truly impressed me, I like the creativity of it and you managed to express your topic on such refreshing way.
    Though I don't like last line much as the rest of this poem, because you already used word -know- and I just think that you could say this differently.

    - I watched cotton owls flutter,
    being careful not the stop.
    A symbol of god's wisdom...
    Yet the sign of devil's smirk.
    I ran until I collapsed,
    Laying I tried to breathe,
    Was it fire I would envision,
    or bright light within the fog.-

    ^Here your description is so vivid and remarkable. You showed your fascinating talent. Truly memorable images and you put strong emotion withing them too.
    I think that you should put a comma instead of -...- in the line:
    -A symbol of god's wisdom...-
    because you continued with word -yet- so that should be same sentence.

    -That day I learned a new trick,
    Again I started to run,
    yet this time not in circles but;
    in the shape of tasteful hearts. -

    ^I like the message a lot, you quite amazed me once again, I truly love your write.
    Personally I suggest you to change -that day- but that is my own impression, maybe simply -then- would fit better.
    Anyway excellent way to end this piece.

    I enjoyed a lot, I am glad that I read this, truly impressionable job Mel!

  • 15 years ago

    by Aureus Argentum

    Beautiful poem. The end amazed me to no end... you are a brilliant writer; we don't see much of that anymore nowadays. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    Well this was a different style from you and it was enjoyable to read. I just adored the last line of the poem. It was constructed so nicely that I cannot stop reading it. The poem as a whole holds so much meaning and power that I was immensly impressed. The story behind you words were strong and went together perfectly.

    You are so versatile in your writing that each poem is different from the next making you an amazing poet. Never give up my dear because you truly inspire with your work and I can see passion in your work and a great career in writing in your future.

    Well done*5/5*

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Another poem with flawless flow and beautiful sharing of inner emotion

    I love your style

    “That day I learned a new trick,
    Again I started to run,
    yet this time not in circles but;
    in the shape of tasteful hearts.”

    Brilliant emotional depth

  • 15 years ago

    by Sora

    Wow this was fantastic! it had a great flow, and it was so powerful to me. i loved it!

    That day I learned a new trick,
    Again I started to run,
    yet this time not in circles but;
    in the shape of tasteful hearts.

    that was my favorite stanza, it held so much meaning and ended the poem perfectly. i loved the title also it fit well. you have a great and unique writing style. i love it. job well done. 5/5.

    -Ashlei.

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I once started to run,
    then realized I was running in circles.
    Pursued by ones own tail;
    is an anguish none should know."

    Great opening, telling the reader that you once ran, but then you realized it was in circles.

    "Plunging deep within thoughts,
    I managed to recede the chase,
    though god overturned the moon;
    gently shining upon light...
    Becoming back to where I began
    seen by what I feared most...
    I started running in circles,
    as it's all I've ever known."

    Excellent imgary here, there really isn't much more to say that I haven't already covered....

    "I watched cotton owls flutter,
    being careful not the stop.
    A symbol of god's wisdom,
    Yet the sign of devil's smirk.
    I ran until I collapsed,
    Laying I tried to breathe,
    Was it fire I would envision,
    or bright light within the fog."

    Very eye-catching, this stanza really brings out the best of the poem and truly is remarkable!
    Wonderful emotions here, and you make the reader clearly see everything that you see, and all that you feel...nice work.

    "That day I learned a new trick,
    Again I started to run,
    yet this time not in circles but;
    in the shape of tasteful hearts."

    Flawless ending, powerful and in-deepth. 5/5 from me, take care and keep up the good work!