Indecisively Adamant

This parchment is starting to yellow
As my heart is beginning to blacken.
The thorn that had pierced my soul long ago
Remains within me, the flesh healing around it.
I never did extricate it - on the contrary:
I kept it there, desiring a constant reminder
Of how something so beautiful can cause so much pain.
So here I sit, straddling the fence -
You're as a contagious disease with which
I'm longing to be infected.

The Grimm and La Hire - I tried to give them
My heart, but then I remembered:
You still have it, and I fear I cannot give
That which I have not.
But what I fear yet more is that,
Should you pay me attention, my heart -
Just as a dog sensing her Master -
Will go bounding back,
Seeking that same love and affection
Her Master once bestowed.

I can foresee the harm that would - and will -
Become of this; but try as I might,
I know I cannot keep these feelings leashed:
They will eventually break free, and then
What a mess I'll have to clean
After my heart is thrashed to pieces,
For you see: now you're the beast
Clutching me tight within your jaws
And never letting go...
And yet that's what I want.

~JPG~