A letter today

Received a letter from you today
Ran up to my room
Sat with my head against the wall
My heart filled with gloom

Opened it so carefully
Saw my typed name
You must have sent it on your last day
Before you caught the plane

A longer letter than usual
Silently I read
Tears filled my stinging eyes
Thoughts clouded my head

You want me to have blood tests
Even though i refused
I could not tell you the reason
So, excuses I used

You made an open access to the
Hospital nearby
Just incase i starve myself again
I shake my head and sigh

you plan to see me on june 11th
if only you knew
my appointment will be empty
for you to see someone new

i really would write back but
I do not know what to say
The evening is far too late
For me now to stay

still, i wish i could hear again
your soothing voice
part of me even wishes that
I still had a choice

i must not give way to cowardness
this is my escape
i have planned this for so long
for my own sake

i fold the letter, ignoring the words
back in the envelope
hide it away deep in my drawers
with the rest of my hope

i picture your thoughtful face
as you are told
that i took my life last week
and now i lay cold

i envision the future scene with tears
Streaming down my face
I must not begin to care now
I have lost my race

So when you do finally return
And I am no longer there
I wonder what you will think of me
I wonder if you will care

Can't take this anymore :-(