Dreaming of desire

by Kaila   May 31, 2008


To speak the words makes my hands shiver.
Your name echoes in and out of my random thoughts.
Like a pounding drum I repeat the sound,
"want, need, you" envelop me with this phrase.

You hide behind my eyes reminding me of yours,
tranquilizing, taunting, and capturing.
Quick breaths escape when you are seen.
I sweat and shake, blushing into a smile.

Nobody knows for you, are my secret.
Hidden beneath the shadows of my heart.
With every beat you and I connect, like blocks.
Our emotions are stacked to a glorious peak.

I cannot catch my breath when you are near.
Stuttering and spitting onto myself.
Mortified but happy just to be in your presence.
We dance in each others wandering dreams.

The captivating eyes that suck away at my soul.
Capture me with those eyes that weaken me.
Hold me when my knees break from love;
grasp tightly or I will lose my balance.

Shading away into a dark desirable love,
no light shall fall upon us, just this exotic blackness.
Encircling and grabbing a hold of me tonight.
Nothing seems to be as great as your warm hands.

If I were to die it would be from desire.
Wanting you to want me just as bad.
Lips quiver so close, tingling and aching.
Only in dreams I wish for you most.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Ooh, interesting. You send off a really pretty vibe in this piece. Your words sort of jump from the page, but just slightly. Enough to make the reader continue, but it's not completely overwhelming. From what I can tell, you have this sort of ... uniqueness to your writing, that really brings out a soft emotion from your words, but the emotions are potent enough to really grab you.

    "Ben...Ben...Ben," envelop me with this phrase
    `Very different, using the person's name. It brought through a great image.

    Wanting you to want me just as bad.
    `I didn't like the choice of "bad." It seems like such a childish choice -- change it, maybe to another word? Just a thought.

    Other than that, I absolutely loved this piece.
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 15 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Another great piece from you. Of what I have read so far of yours, this secret, enigmatic love kind of vibe is really your thing. [: You have such a unique way of writing about common feelings; packs a punch. I really liked the line:

    "You hide behind my eyes reminding me of yours,"

    Clever! Nicely done. You're full of talent.

  • 15 years ago

    by LitxUpxWithxLife

    I love your spin at the end of the poem. I never saw it coming. You did an excellent job of leading the reader to believe that you were together and then the dawning of realization that you were dreaming of a time that may never come. Great job with your symbolism again and the metaphores were perfect as usual another great poem. (5/5)

  • 15 years ago

    by yblehs

    I like how you made it real life and used the name of the one who makes you feel this way it was beautifully written...it was beautiful everywhere ... I like how you word things so differently than i would have put them...."The captivating eyes that suck away at my soul.
    Capture me with those eyes that weaken me."
    those lines made me weak =] haha i loved them...you have a very good vocabulary and use it wisely 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Your name echoes in and out of my random thoughts.
    Like a pounding drum I repeat the sound,"
    -Oh, I like the simile here. Great job. :]

    "Ben...Ben...Ben," envelop me with this phrase"
    -I found it interesting how you actually used the real person's name in here. :] I liked that!

    "Nobody knows for you, are my secret."
    -I would have worded this differently. Maybe.. "Nobody knows that you are my secret."
    I don't think you need a comma there, just join them together and say what I said maybe? I don't know. Maybe I saw something you didn't? Just a suggestion. :)
    I guess, the way you put it is alright. But that's just another way of saying it.

    "Our emotions are stacked to a glorious peak."
    I love how you worded this. :) Excellent word choice.. "glourious peak."

    "The captivating eyes that suck away at my soul.
    Capture me with those eyes that weaken me."
    -I love the word captivating! XD Excellent word choice.

    Wow, I enjoyed this piece so much. Everything was worded so nicely and the flow of this poem was beautiful. You used some really good words here. :) Nice word choice. I had soo many things I liked in this poem, and I only listed a few.. because I liked the entire poem lol.. anyway, 5/5

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