Pain Before Love

I went without seeing you for two weeks straight
But this time something is different
and the road I am on is just barely ticking
“ Stay calm”, that is that I tell myself
but it is not working with all this pain and all this stress
I realize I can not feel sorry for myself
cause there are people that has it a lot worse than me
but I fell like I am trapped in a house with no windows
Waiting for alight to show me I am still alive
Time flies by and still I can not find it
The one thing I an searching for to keep me on this planet
Day after day, As the sun goes down and the moon rises
I picture myself at the end of a road with two passages
I look down one to see only black
then I look down the other to see my past coming back
Even though the black way would have been easier
I have to get rid of my past for room for my future
I start walking and I start to remember all the bad things I had to go through
but then I realized if I dealt with it, it would all soon disappear
So I do it and still no change came over me
I am drowning in my own fears, my tear are
just a wave
Can somebody tell me what I am doing wrong
Cause I do not think I can take one more
fear or tear coming or falling in my life
Help me please cause my life is at risk
So I need to win this fight
Whether it is by my mind or fist!!