Addicted to the scars

There was an incurable longing,
Deep within his eyes.
An unbearable need he refused to acknowledge,
For fear of spiraling out of control.
Being vulnerable, something he could never allow.
Something I gave to him freely.

The fire we created with our bodies cannot be extinguished.
Bodies never lie.
Only minds, complicated and manipulative can.
He knew it,
I knew it,
She knew it.

Four years, alcohol, white lies, hidden memories,
I almost convinced myself Iâ??m over him.
Replacing him with something different,
Fighting again in vein.
Addicted to the scars.
A stranger trying to love with a broken body.

I failed.
Too broken to love without all the pieces,
He was too selfish to give the pieces back.
And here we are at a stand still.

Does an apology cover the damage?
Whereâ??s my collateral that he won't leave again?
I would be lying if I said I ever stopped being his,
And he would be lying if he ever said he didn't know all along my weakness for him, that he played on it.

How do you justify breaking a heart?
How do you justify destroying innocence?
Maybe it will all work out this time,
Yet the probability is it won't.
So here I am four years later,
Less curves, more scars, the only things to show how hard I fought, to ultimately be alone.

When he leaves again as he always does,
I won't have to pretend to smile, to be ok, to be prepared.
He is the master of breaking me,
And after years of playing his games,
I'm still not completely ok.
But I'm learning.
I'm addicted to the scars