Fractured Twilight Librettos

"This wasn't meant to happen.

His name was never supposed to show up,
on this glowing cell phone screen again..."

^^ AHHHHH I love this as the opening, as I was reading it I just thought how many people can relate to this...beautiful way to hook the reader into the poem!

"These shivers overtake my body in bursts;
my tears are seeping through my screams at midnight.
The anxiety of his voice invades my thoughts,"

^^ You manage to make the poem even stronger here, the emotion, the depth, the imagery all melts together in these lines to make for a stunning few lines, the flow never once faltering.

"(My voice departs in stammers of apathetic glee,
awaiting his gentle whisper, my heart begins to stutter.
"Can you hear me anymore, my love...?"
These fragile strengths begin to crumble,
beneath his overwhelming sneer as he hears my rout.
Three hundred and sixty five days since I've lost him,
and now he's back again.)"

^^OH MY...easily my favourite stanza so far..I frikken love this, the depth and emotion here is indescribale (sp?) The transition from loss to possible ..hope? ..adds for a stunning affect on this stanza alone.

"(Oh, how these broken breaths begin to choke me.
Two seconds in and I've already kissed his feet."

^^ I love these lines..ahhh..I simply love them, to me these lines show both hope and sadness...hope that maybe something will change, sadness that the same thing is happening again...

"His frozen lyrics start to melt these walls away;
The weight of his insecurities blanket my fallen heart,
each and every piece grows heavier with his return.
"Can't you see that you're hurting me?")"

^^ It gets even better here...the fact of wanting someone but knowing they're no good for you..the sincerity, the emotion here is overwhelming...

"(Pathetic words escape my lips,
as my mind runs through the possibilities.
I kiss the stars just one last time,
before I dry my hands and intertwine them with his lies.
His toxic scents have binded me again,
but this time, I don't want to fight.)"

^^I thought this marked a powerful point in the piece, as I found this to be void of all hope, all possibility, just pure loneliness and despair, and changing emotions straight from the last stanza to these makes this stanza very hard hitting for the reader.

"(I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me:
so tonight, we'll end this in a bloody bath of icy tears.
These velvet cries shall cloak our screams,
and I promise you, these fallen stars will light our way.
They'll lay these fading limericks at our hearts,
and our final breaths will drown these flames together."

^^ Can I just say the imagery in this stanza is BEAUTIFUL! Just frikken beautiful! Oh my, so many detailed and vivid pictures run through my mind, this creates such striking visuals for the reader, I love this.

"I'm not ashamed enough to not admit to you,
that every breath I take I use to gasp your name again.)

"I love you.""

Oooohhhh...the melancholy in these few lines is heartbreaking...you manage to portray such emotion with a such few words and I can feel my heart drowning with sorrow as I read these lines...

"(...and if being with you means disappearing, then
this is me dying in your arms; I cut you out, now set me free,
for every time I try to let you go, your grip is just too strong for me...)"

^^Okay I changed my mind...this is my favourite part of the piece. I simply adore and love these lines, so strong, so full of meaning, so powerful, heartwrenching and hard hitting all wrapped up in one makes for a simply beautiful ending to the piece.
This part of the piece brought tears to my eyes..something I can relate to all to well at the moment, which is why I think I love it so much.

I also liked the fact that this part rhymed even though the rest of it didn't.

I honestly can't find anything bad to say about this..I love it.

You outdid yourself with this one, you should be proud.

Oh, wow ... that's talent if I've ever seen it ... the past few contest nominations haven't really been .. well ... like this.
This poem of yours has a very unique style ... I like it, and your choice of words are very deep.
So, yeah, nice job.

And it seems I may be the only one who noticed the Trivium line from "Dying in Your Arms"
Or is that just coincidence?

Again, well done! A splendid love/sad poem (whatever you want to call it) that will more than likely outshine the competition.

Hey! This was for my contest! XD

I really loved this, a lot. It was much different in the style/format than what I am used to reading. The topic isn't too unique, but since it is literally based off of something that happened to you, I think it is great. Especially that you were able to write about it so quickly. I think that shows great strength :)

Good luck in my contest! Winners will be posted in that same thread tomorrow!

5.5
~Lace

Ah, beautiful beautiful beautiful! <3

First of all, I have to say that the very first line of this piece fitted perfectly: "This wasn't meant to happen." Mostly because of what you said in your note at the end, about you getting that phone call. It's as if it all ties in. You didn't know you were going to get the call, it wasn't supposed to happen.

I felt that the beginning of the poem kind of contrasts with the end, and that's something I really liked. This line, for example: "Oh, how these broken breaths begin to choke me.
Two seconds in and I've already kissed his feet." The act of "kissing his feet" creates a sense of slavery, that the narrator would do anything for "him", kind of like a master. But it seems as though the narrator is the one holding on; still loving after all this time.

By the end of the poem, however, this line: "for every time I try to let you go, your grip is just too strong for me...)" you get a sense of it being the guy who will not let go. It kind of leaves the reader confused, but I liked that. You made me work to interpret this, and I loved it.

"
(Pathetic words escape my lips,
as my mind runs through the possibilities.
I kiss the stars just one last time,
before I dry my hands and intertwine them with his lies.
His toxic scents have binded me again,
but this time, I don't want to fight.)"

^^ This was probably my favourite stanza. "His toxic scents have binded me again..." -- STUNNING line.

Brilliant work. :)

Thanxx for changing it to sad category... i really wanted to read it.. the title really captured my attention... very interesting title...

The whole piece was so sad... and well expressed... with each word you spoke.. you inner emotions are so beautifully revealed... one could feel the pain and remorse in the whole piece...

"I'm not ashamed enough to not admit to you,
that every breath I take I use to gasp your name again."

"I love you."

^^ this really touched...

beautifully picturised....

keep writing dear...
and plz dnt be sad... wish you loads of happiness...
keep smiling... :)