Unforgettable Pain Hurts

It hurts me...
This pain I feel and see
It won't go away.
I hang out with friends, I act happy always

Earlier I got to talk to him
I can't hide this feeling anymore from them
He starts to ask if I'm ok
But I lied to him today

I said I never would, except this time I did
Someone actually cared but I put him on a limb
I hate this , I can't be here , I can't be myself.
Where did I go, What happened
I'm so confused I need help.

But I don't want help...or do I?
Why can't I just take it
Why won't it just go away.
I really cannot stand this pain!

You treat me like shit but you say you love me?
Fake family members only for me to see
Then what the hell are you to me?
Now I am alone to only be...

That girl in the mirror with that dim reflection
That one in the corner fighting off temptation
Trying to be out of your "perfect" world
Crying in silence not to become unfurled

I don't know what I'm doing
I sure as hell don't know where I'm going
All I know is I need somebody
To prepare me for this decision I made already

I'm sorry I lied will you please forgive me?
I'll tell you but it might just take a minute.
I scramble my sentences because I'm torn inside
This feeling is horrible and I can't let it hide.

I feel like I'm talking about a million different things
Not able to say anything straight without tears
I cant even begin to tell all the truths.
Because I don't even know what they are.

I don't know if I can trust myself now.
I feel stupid for the way I once was
Thinking of ways to kill myself
From the time I picked up that knife without a sound.

I can't lie to you anymore, this is how I feel.
I can't understand it myself.
I hate myself and I can't forget the past.
I want you to help me but i don't think you can.

It's hurting me...
This pain I feel and see
It hurts and that's all I know
It's slowly taking over my soul...