Wow. This is so sad, because anorexia is a horrible thing to suffer from. But I really enjoyed it, because it brings attention to something that takes over many peoples lives.

Good job.

5/5

-Briana

Wow. this is terribly sad. im sorry. its hard to watch this and similar things take over others lives. this was well written. i liked it but i didnt because its sad. it brings light to something important in the world.
creative
good job!

Lexie

A good poem , jsut i would apreicate it much if you split into paragraphs so the rhym show more ,
good luck for your friend , i hope he recover soon

Gr8 dedication little caring one..

keep it up

Best wishz... Karan:)

"How much I weight now"
-Did you mean to say weigh?

"I can be whole day without eating"
-Did you mean to say.. "I can go a whole day without eating...." ??

"Everyone likes thin girls,
haven't you realize?"
-Realize should be realized.

"Welcome to world of anorexia
where there is no mercy for fatties"
-I loved this last line.

Overall, an okay poem. The wording sometimes didn't go very well, but overall.. Good. 4/5.

Thin, thinner, the thinnest
fat, fatter, me
`I loved this. I thought it was an extremely unique use of ... I don't know what to call it, but sticking in "me" in there was just clever.

I can be whole day without eating
`I agree with what Faith said. Is that what you were going for, because as the fragment is, it doesn't make sense.

I want to fit in small size
`I did not like the choice of adding this in there. The wording was flimsy, and it made the piece sound child-like.

haven't you realize?
`should be "realized" . Watch verb tense.

Why to show you a pearl
when I can show you an empty shell
`I ADORE this metaphor! The symbolism is stunning. I've never seen it that way, nor have I ever seen "pearl" used in a piece about anorexia.

So the technical stuff, the flow was consistent, but some of your word choices were just ... weird. They didn't make the piece really pounce at you, but it still stuck out in its own way, which is good and usually not easy to do.

..__MiNDYY

Noor this is an exxcellent piece, in content and on it's technical merit. I like how you seperated the question towards the end. This gave it optimum impact.

Well done on this piece. I shall nominate this for many reasons, one of them being so its message can reach a wider audience.

Well done

Michael

Indeed this is a very good piece. I wish society is different. This world can be very cruel without that added stress of fitting the perfect image. I agree with Michael that this is a needed piece in todays world. I do hope it reaches more people. Thanks for a great read.

"simplicity is a beauty". Its a very simple poem yet very striking and true. I really like the part about the pearls. Great Job!!! ( too sad for your friend though)

Very well wrutten and very descriptive !
5/5

Thin, thinner, the thinnest
fat, fatter, me

All this weight
Is what I can see

Slim, slimmer, slimmest
Want to be just like you

Can go a whole day without eating
if this way my dreams will come true

Small, smaller, the smallest
Want to fit in small size

Everyone likes thin girls,
haven't you realized?

Why show you a pearl
when I can show you an empty shell

Who cares about the inside
what outside can not tell

Eat little. less, the least
beat your inner beast

Welcome to world of anorexia
where there is no mercy for fatties

The second stanza needs tweaked a little and if you remove a couple of the I's especiallt the repetitive ones at the beginning of stanzas, I think that will improve the quality of the poem. The emotional content was thought provoking and the structure was unique and clever. I liked the poem and think you did deserve to win.

This poem is really amzingly written. every single word speaks alot in this poem.. good sue of forms .. a veru very unique and intresting view to write a poem..

i loved it.. i will pray for your friend aswel..
5/5

First i have to say conrats on winning , and no i'm not going to give a lesson in english i think enough has been said about that,what i have to commend you on is that you're always trying to improve your english so all in all very well done on writing on a difficult and emotional subject, even more so when it's someone you know

Grant

Congratulations on winning. i absolutely love the way that you wrote this poem. it shows the inner side of anorexia and how that person feels deep down inside about their body. it's such a real poem, and so close to home. all girls feel that way at some point and it's always hard to witness someone struggle. i hope you keep writing. let it all out. again, congratulations. and this was a great poem!

A very strong poem, one that raises a good issue. ur friend has my blessings.

Very original style with a powerful thought provoking theme

This is So SO SO sad but so so so true, people feel this way from years of being bullied and seeing, the popular girls are extremely thin. if you are an anerexic it doesn't change your status. I'm extremely small, bu naturaly like that and my status has been the same the entire time i've been alive. just floating on the water, not under it and not flying high.

Good job

You just discribed me and my life
thankz

Anyways i was wondering if i could write this pome in my diary you know ill say it was by you and no one will ever see it

pls reply

Adena

I loved the last line......... amazing

This was such a strong great poem!!!
I loved it!!!!
It gave me chills.
Anorexia is very scary!
I'm sorry for your friend!
Congrats on winning!