You'll Never Know Mom

I've been alone now, for a few years
Fighting my own fight and wiping my own tears
You seemed to take the easy way out of every problem
I guess it's because you really have no idea how to solve them...

But it's okay because look at where I am at
I'm heading to college, you can't beat that!
I'm such a smart young woman with a good reputation,
But you and me will always have this separation...

Some days hurt worse that others
For weeks on end, we don't even see one another
And that's fine with me but sometimes my heart aches,
I become silent and my life just breaks...

It's been hard, Mom, to play this act I've been playing,
Always watching what I am doing and what I am saying
Because happiness is an act that's put on every day
I can't just not smile, i wouldn't know what to say

I'm starting a new chapter all alone again,
With cigarettes, a drinking habit and a few good friends
Mom, I've been trying to erase the pain of not having you around
And this life feels like a never ending merry-go-round

It hurts so bad to not have you here
To tell me it's OK and erase my every fear
I've learned to numb you out with pills and drinks
I've learned to help others and ignore my missing links

I hope you're happy with my split personalities
I guess this is the way it has to be
I miss the mom i had as a child
The one who went that extra mile

You'll see the success I'm making through the eyes of others
And I hope you're somewhat proud like my 2nd sisters and brothers
But you'll never know the pain that kills me every single day
I'll never know why on Earth you made things go this way