Gone Again

Sitting here, loneley, on the old worn couch
tunning out some show i used to care about,
figures flit across the screen, my gaze touching none of them.
The audio is mute because i dont want to hear it.
The stereo is soft, so unlike me.
Long legs propped on the tiny table between
stacked and scattered scraps of paper scrawled with once meaningful words.
My head tips with heaviness, but your shoulder holds it high.
I ignore the questions i shoulde ask, the skeptism i should show, but its not the first time your face has haunted me.
Your laugh rattles in your ribcage and shakes me to the core.
i look up at you with tired eyes, and see that I'm not there.
You look right through me at the television screen,
I reach for you but you're not there - or im not here!
Im falling, floating away, nothing but your yesterday.
For a moment you turn to face me, and in that moment everything's alright.
Your shining, smilling eyes -so peacful and pleasent-
arent looking at me, but at her.
She walks right through me as the still winds pull me backwards.
Everything about her is bright yellow, her clothes, her safe smile.
She really is you're sparkling sunshine, and i am a passing cloud.
Her smile is contagious as it crawls across you're face.
Her beautiful body take my place next to you before you pull her into your lap.
I'm back on the ground by the time the quite wind brings me outside.
i wrap my arms around myself, the way you used to do to me.
it's snowing - mid-summer?
Its so cold, and i am so alone.
I slip on Summer's ice and my head begins to bleed.
The red warmth it puts between my head an the ice just feels so good.
My lungs are caving in, the air slipping away, and my heart it starts to choke.
You're looking down at me, she is still at your side.
She whispers to you and you both begin to giggle.
This is different, this hasnt happened in my delusions before.
You turn to go back iside, and i can see the television screen again.
You dont look back.
As the dream skids to an end, my thoughts take another forbidden turn.
Do you dream about me? Do you remember the feel of
my every scar? When you pull out of your dirveway,
away from ebverything we had, do you look back? Do
you see my face in your cloudy rear view mirror?

(for zacksmith)