I.
My father is an enigma
I never new my dad
a stranger to me, he is, that's for sure
and I'm not sure where that leaves me now
somewhere lost in transit, a pebble in the sea
washed upon, and up and out
now, rolling on a lee
II.
The emotion, the sadness, has been freed from me
yet it's never out of reach
but roils gently with a questing touch
with ever-reducing feedback.
Has it left a hole, has it hurt so deep
has it made a mess of me,
oh no, not quite, but did scald for so long
that scar is now a part of me
and yet an essence of my past I carry with me,
to this day,
to sling on with my travels,
and thoughts, and questions and adventures forth,
I carry it all the same
III.
There is no regret, nor lament, nor shame, nor loss,
I've dealt with it, I have,
I have gone searching and found a man, stepped up to the plate and been bold
there are no answers which will ever satisfy, the many questions gone before,
so I've gone on and lived my life,
and that is what I know, for sure
IV.
I am at peace, finally, with this,
the past is the past, is past, verily
let's go bring about the future,
the answers lie, in me
NOTES:
so, 16 and 1/3 years in the making, the first poem and clearest expression of how I feel about my father's death, what it meant to me, and how it affected me. This was designed to be an unembellished and lyrically simple exposition of how I truly feel, looking retrospectively. The parts describe the different phases of understanding I transcended, over time; finally, it's out there :)
