My pain for my mother

Mommy what I am about to say, you won't want to hear,
But it's something I've kept inside, something so dear,
Troubled, my hearts been kept in tight chains,
A story about my sad heart, my eternal pains,

Emotions kept so closely shut, tightly held by my depressions,
Bonded to my heartache, and my fearful obsessions,
Keeping everything locked up, behind a shut door,
It's time to let it all out, let my heart soar,

I want to say just a about two years ago, this began,
My painful cries were never heard, kept held up by my hand,
My emotions hidden so well behind this mask, they were so fake,
But it was my fault to hide it, all by a stupid mistake,

It started out by you getting hurt, always caught up in pain,
Striking out at your loved ones, a painful cry by a monster slain,
Going to doctor to doctor, no one knew what was wrong,
You almost gave up on yourself; you thought you weren't strong,

You nearly gave in, let them lock you up inside,
Label you crazy, the real you almost died,
Suicidal, depressed and unhappy, almost committed to death,
Sentenced yourself, saying if it didn't end, this could be your last breath,

But what did happen, was my mother left me,
She changed, not who she used to be,
It made me sad, to see my mother go,
But I held my pain at bay, I wasn't go to let you know,

I started thinking, maybe you hated me, hated us all,
There wasn't another logical explanation, it made my tears fall,
I hated the truth, that maybe you didn't like us anymore,
I just was just waiting, waiting for you to walk out that door,

But you didn't, and just to say, it made it all worse,
And my pain never got better, just like an eternal curse,
It made me oh so sad, you and daddy always fought,
I was always there, always getting caught,

I felt like screaming at you, trying to make it all clear,
Let you know I hated you, let you know all my falling tears,
My world was crumbling, and my heart was breaking,
All with every fight, and every breath I was taking,

Soon, I felt bad, just by thinking of all those things,
And to let you know, my heart still stings,
My trust for you, will never be gained back for you,
But to make it all better, my love for you is brand new,

I'm not the little girl I used to be, you've changed, and so have I,
But I want you to know, even though I still think about it, I no longer cry,
I'm now a lady, growing up to be a good person, just to let you know,
My heart will surely mend for you, and my love will always grow,

I love you mommy, always and forever you and I,
Never to be let down, no more tiny lies,
I'll be here for you to,
Just to say "I love you"...

Written by Makalah Sept. 4, 2008