Sixty-One

by Nicole the Fairy   Oct 4, 2008


~ Sixty-One ~
By Nicole Pirri

Sixty-one you would be today,
Yes, Grandad, sixty-one.
My love for you is still strong;
And our bond never will come undone.

Sixty-one you would be today,
All those years which have gone by.
We would have sung you Happy Birthday;
Mouse, Kayla, Em, Nan, Mum, Dad and I.

Sixty-one you would be today,
Kisses and hugs you would have received.
Presents, calls and songs.
Sixty-one punches most definately guaranteed.

Sixty-one you would be today,
Yes, Grandad, it would have been so great.
Missing you every moment, Grandad;
Up there painting those Pearly White Gates.

* Dedicated to my Grandad. He would be 61 today. =] *
~ R.I.P. - Forever in my heart ~

Written By: Nicole Pirri
Saturday, 4th October, 2008.
Copyright.

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by ether

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    Now to the poem:
    How old are you again? 17? Yes?
    Well this sounds like someone a lot younger has written it. The language and rhyme is so basic, and the repetition of sixty-one. The darn title is sixty-one, no need to repeat it every stanza.
    The only emotion I could feel in this was a little bit of childish innocence.
    And the mentioning of the names.. It makes it more of a letter than a poem, it really does. I understand that the names make it personal but the readers really don't care for the names, they care for the vocabulary and phrases.

    Sorry for seeming so harsh in this =/
    3/5. More vocabulary next time, yes? Sounds good to me.

    jess ~

  • 13 years ago

    by kelleyana

    I like the last line, it shows the loving memories you'd before with your grand father. Being this poem is so personal, i wouldn't even think about changes you show made on so on. All i can encourage you to do is keep those loving memories of your grand dad and he will never be far away from you. It merits 5/5, kel.

  • 13 years ago

    by Teria

    It's a very nice and sweet poem. I think it seems a little forced in some areas. The beginning could be a bit stronger. But, still a decent poem. I'd say read it over a few times and see if you can possibly fix anything to help it out. I think if you fixed the beginning then it'd be fine. The first line is good, the second threw me off. And, the rest were okay. It needs to grab attention though.

    I'm sorry for you and your families loss.

  • 14 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Awee .. This is really sad . It makes me think of my grand parents . There's really no criticism i can give you .. Its flawless . Really well done , 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    First of all... I'm sorry for your loss...

    Anyway, even though the poem doesn't have 'strong words' or whatever it grabs the reader's attention. Every word you've used here shows how much you love your grandad. Flow was perfect everything went well from start to finish. I believe that you put all your heart into writing this elegant poem.

    Good work on this poem. May your grandad rest in peace.