And now it is hard to take it all back,
to wish that those words were never uttered,
or those fingers to ever type it.
You want for it all to be a lie,
to take it all back, to say it was a dream-it felt like one.
nothing like that would ever happen.
It was all a stupid setup- it hurt more than anything else.
It’s hard to take something
so deep and so dark back and to keep it all to myself.
It tears up the insides…it is a demon,
and though I spoke of it, it was not release it..
I want to be forgiven and forgotten,
the whole disgust to leave your heads…
tear it out and stash it away.
I know you are still thinking of it
Makes your insides turn over and over
as they come up your throat and into your mouth
and then out of it.
It is sick and I wish it would be okay…
But no, it’s not okay, it’s completely wrong.
I have to stop thinking of it, its utterly wrong.
I have to turn around and run, to escape,
to leave the sin and find my soul,
I cannot be lost, I will not be lost, I cannot be lost.
I don’t want to be trapped.
Though you cannot face it
It’s a part of me.
It’s a part that I hate and want to kill!
A part that I want to destroy- a part of me that should burn forever in hell..
It is a horrific act, a deadly act,
an act unpleasant and terrible, so awful and dreadful.
I want to take it all back, go beyond that moment,
to stop the corrupt and immoral hands and mouth.
I wish I could go back, stop it all, to turn my head and leave.
I would cut my arms, my fingers one by one, slit my thighs and legs,
tear my throat out, pull out my tongue, and burn my mouth,
just to make sure it won’t ever happen again.
I would tear myself apart
and now I’d do it all,
do it all of this,
do it all for you,
all because of a
lie.
