My lie, My life

So much of me is not my own
i give too much away
pushed and pulled cold and alone
nothing ever stays
i give too much to all i see
hope of recognition
my thoughts inside wish someone see me
just not worth the attention
guilt and anger fill my mind
losing grip on reality
pain for the day before the sun shines
hatred for my heart that beats
after all i give all day long
expecting little in return
i still feel broken malfunctioned wrong
with only little concern
kill the pain in anyway
no matter what the loss
dealing is easy you can hold in your hand
but what extent will it cost
i deal for the say and sleep in with night
dreading the day to come
only to wake in the morning fake a smile and be a light
hoping to influence at least one
overwhelming I'm scared to death
my mind losing this fight
i need to focus can't forget my breath
my mind fighting for my life
it's a choice i made i should suck it up
myself left to blame
go on with my lie, my life waiting to go numb
and continue masking the pain!