Sun, Spark and Rain

Without the sun, the day will not begin.
Without the spark, the fire can't start.
Without the rain, the flower can't grow.
[Without the sun they day shall not begin.
Without the spark, the fire won't start.
Without the rain the flower doesn't grow]
- I changed these lines because I thought they were way too blunt for such an amazing, lovely poem. If you change it up a bit and make them more poetic, it'll go with the rest of the poem.

Through out the poem 2 stanzas repeat "spark" quite often. I'd look that over, maybe change it around some. The last part where you actually says her name is Kelly. That's not hardly distinguished as part of the poem. I myself, think that it's part of the poem. But, because the first line isn't broken up it doesn't seem as if it is. It might not be, if so then You should make it more paragraphed form.

Good poem/Great emotion/Good word choice through-out.

Awe . The imagery is fantastic in this piece , and it's just really cute all together . Your words flowed nicely one line into the other , great job. 4/5

Awe, that was so sweet and adorable.
Great job :) i loved it.

Without the sun, the day will not begin.
Without the spark, the fire can't start.
Without the rain, the flower can't grow.
^^very simple things but never really brought to attention good opening!

But with the sun, the day starts anew.
With hope and a fresh beginning.
As night becomes day,
And everything is new.
^^ everyone loves a new beginning : )

And with the spark, the fire burns bright.
The light lifts your soul.
And you feel safe in the sanctuary,
started by the spark.
^^ what such a simple little thing can do

And with the rain, the flowers bloom.
The colors come from the rain.
As the flowers spring forth from their hiding.
And everything is new.
^^ repetition of that last line clever!

And with you, everyday is a new day,
You are my sun, spark, and rain.
Without you, I would not live to see the new sun,
or feel the safety of being yours, just as the spark offers safety.
^^ awww....i love how you related the concepts so cute!

And I would not sees the flowers bloom,
Because you are what makes life worth living.
These 6 months with you, have been the greatest days of my life.
^^ you much really care about this person!

I hope that you will always be my sun, spark and rain. Because without you, life's worthless.
My love for you can be expressed by these words,
I hope you'll always remember;
My love for you is ever-lasting and never-ending.
Happy 6 Month Anniversary angel,
I love you Kelly.
^^ that was just so darn adorable! honestly i hope you let this person read it

great job! 5/5

I like your use of rhyme, but you do waver from it. The way you have used compairsons is well done. While I was reading you poem I could get a clear sense of what you were talking about witch is nice because you want to focus as much attention on the main topic as possible. The imadgry was nicely done as well.

My favorite lines were:
And with the rain, the flowers bloom.
The colors come from the rain.
As the flowers spring forth from their hiding.
And everything is new.

I love your use of rain, in these lines

Well Written
DarkCrystalbtrfy