Awe so sad hun, a good read, short and to the point, 5/5

Complex :)

Thats really heavy. you worded this very powerfuly for being only 8 lines long. the imagary is really good and i could picture that little boy.

New parents they just don't love me that same.
* think you should add to the end of this the word "way" but i think you meant to? would just sound better for the flow.

well done on this its a great peice xx

This poem brought me to tears... short and simple but yet filled with so much emotion, i felt that pain stab right through my heart, asking "why didn't they take me away"

just beautiful...

one thing though:

""Hi mum, hi dad," and he hides he's eyes."

i think you meant "his" instead of "he's"

:]

5/5

Very strong images that you have in this poem. I like it a lot its short but you have managed to put such strong emotion in so few lines.
Reading your poem for a second time I just realised what you ment for red and yellow colored tears floating through the air. Exelent metaphore. Those two lines would hav eto be my favorite.
Well Written

Wow a depressing poem, i was just imagining the little boy this whole time, nice poem

Well written, short and to the point. I liked the flow, it was smooth and just rolled of my tounge as I read. The only real critique I have for you is the fact that you used, "mum" instead of "mom" When writing poetry it is a good idea to stick to the proper use of English, unless you plan on writing a poem in slang or rap.

Overall great write, Keep up the good work.

Peace, Joe

Wow, the imagery was phenomenal. This is a truly exceptional poem!

This was sad.. but it held quite the amount of imagery throughout.. you could just feel the saddness with every word. Simple flow, it was smooth and flowed nicely as I read along.. I didn't see anything wrong with this poem, it was short, to the point, had a decent flow, had pretty much everything you needed. :]

5/5

"Red, yellow colored tears floating through the air."
An amazing beginning. Red and yellow tears create such a feel of innocence and beauty, like a child.

"Little boy with a cart, at stone rock he stares.
"Hi mum, hi dad," and he hides his eyes.
Those leaves won't be blinded by his cries."
This is really sad. Terribly sad. You couldn't have written that better.

"Short shorts, white shirt turning gray.
"New parents, they just don't love me that same way." "
So he's a foster child? That makes it that bit more sadder. I love how you don't say that he's worn and torn, you talk about his shorts to represent that.

"Cold shivers during the night, cloudy days.
He lays his head down, thinking, why didn't they take him away. " "
The last line needs quotations at 'why didn't they take him away.'

Amazing poem, short and sweet. I didn't quite understand the end the first time but then it came to me.
So sad, great language used. Just generally a great write, 5/5

jess ~

Oh I just read Joe's comment that he gave you. MUM IS PROPPER ENGLISH, MOM ISN'T.

Just if anyone reads this in the future.

Mom or mommy, is used in most of North America (especially the U.S.). It is used widely in the West Midlands, in the UK.

mum or mummy, is used in the UK, Netherlands, Australia, and New Zealand

Now if you want to get technical, "Mama", is proper English, not "mum"

And by the way, I am talking about the English language which is used in America, not England.

She is from, Estonia which is Northern Europe. A majority of countries in Europe use, "mama" or a very close form of "mama" Which would still mean she used slang and not her proper language.

I'd just like to make that clear to everyone that's all. Not sure how she was brought up, but based on what I know, this is correct.

P.S. Sorry, I don't want to make this into a debate nor a chat. Please refrain from commented about this comment. If you want to dispute it, PM me.

Peace, Joe

Wow i usually dont get poems like this but i undertood what you were saying. probably cuz i have been close to sumthin like that. anywayz the flow might need some work but I can't really see anything wrong with it.

Raindrops 5/5

This very well written poem creates in me an image of a little boy longing for affection in parents with hearts of stone. Very moving

"Cold shivers during the night, cloudy days."
Instead of 'during', I think, 'through' would do the job better
Cold shivers through the night, cloudy days.

Besides that line, the imagery is very real and the words are original.

"New parents, they just don't love me that same way."
This is my favourite line out of this whole poem. This line brings out the emotions and sympathy of the reader.

5/5

Wow, short and packed with vivid emotion. The imagery was just so surreal, excellent work! Very sad and emotional, left tears running down my face just thinking that kids have to deal with loss at such an early age.

Great work, Keep up the great work!

Peace, Joe