Move On

I loved this poem. I know someone who could use this type of advice. I love the way you wrote it though. It was really good. I liked it a lot.

.:CiiNDY:.

This is a really nice poem, which a good conecpt and generally flowing lines.....:

Time will go on
Leaving us behind
In the course of time
If we don't move on.

^^ Very impactive first stanza, I like this a lot. :)

Things may get hard
Challenging our mind,
Our hearts and our souls
Will drift on the tide.

^^ Excellent use of imagery and metaphors here, but the flow has started to go a bit O.o

Watching time pass by
Standing on the road side
There's no way to live our life
Time will spin like a dime.

^^ The flow went a bit in the third line, so maybe that needs looking at, but overall very good stanza, with strong imagery.

I know that it's hard
I've been there before.
It drains everything out of us,
Leaving us alone on the shore.

^^ Again the rhythm needs looking at, but a nice stanza, continuing the subtle theme of time being a tide.

Lets show our strength
It's there deep inside.
Move on, I know we can
Or time will leave us behind.

^^ Nicely finishing off by linking back to the start again. Beautiful :)

All in all, it is a very good poem with a lovely conecpt and theme running throughout. As simplyfrigid said, the flow needs a bit of tweaking but apart from that it is very good :)

Keep writing,
Em :)

This poem talks of moving on with life instead of just sitting there thinking of what's happened. I lov eit because it tlaks of strength instead of giving up. Awesome poem!

The meaning was well put-out, but you need to restructure this one. There was barely any rhythm to it. It was more like a lot of statements, I wont' give it a bad rating though simply because it's not what the poem looks like, as opposed to what it means.

You've got a good poem here. It needs a few tweaks and such, but it's a decent poem. Good meaning/emotion.

Things may get hard
challenging your mind
heart and soul.

[Things may get hard,
challenging your mind,
your heart, your soul]

I thought that this needed changed because of the flow and it didn't sound right before. I know that 'your' is in there a LOT. And, at times I think those words shouldn't even be used, but this time I think there's a huge exception and it sounds better.

Watching time pass you by
Is no way to live your life.
Time will go on without you.

[ Watching time pass you by
is no way to live your life.
Time can go on without you.]

The reason I changed that is because when you use the word can it's more of an option you're able to make.

I know that it's hard
I've been there before.
It drains everything out of you
leaving you feeling so alone.

[ I know it's hard
I've been there before.
It drains everything out of you,
and leaves you feeling alone.]

^^ Makes it flow better

Show your strength
it is there deep inside you.
Move on, I know you can
or time will go on without you.

[ Show your strength
it's there deep inside of you.
Move on, I know that you can.
or time will go on without you.]

The reason I left 'will' is because the 'can' is in the line before, telling the option.