Fallen

by AngelicDecadence   Nov 21, 2008


She knows what she is and that she cannot stop the change
She cries out in pain as her bones crack
Her body starts shifting as her features become strange
And black and white feathers tear through her back

As the pain leaves and the calm has returned,
Her tiny wings glittering in the moonlight,
The small girl stares at the sky concerned,
Will she ever be free of this never-ending night?

As the days drag by she continues to look,
Trying to find a place where she can help,
Normally though, her head is wrapped in a book,
Until the day she hears a call for help.

She finds the boy in a park,
He is bleeding and is slowly dying,
His arms all cut up with something that looks very sharp
She stares at him with big eyes before silently crying.

Though to her shock, the boy starts healing!
His wrists close up and his face calms down,
He tells her, once hes conscious, "you gave me back my feeling"
And then her frown is turned around.

The boy and the girl stay together,
Happy as can be
Until the day her father calls to her,
The one man she never again wished to see.

He tried to tell her he had changed his rule,
That he could make god give her back her pure white wings,
But she knew if she listened she would be a fool,
She knew no one could change the mind of the king of kings.

So though she knew she was stuck as a fallen angel,
She continued to save the only one she knew how to,
And after a ring and a bangle,
was finally returned the white wings, and then flew.

***Well, this was suppose to be about a fallen angel... but i kind of got off track... oh well, hope you like even though it sucks***

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Saving Grace

    This doesnt suck! the first few lines immediatly drew me in to keep on reading. Although i do agree with Ablissfuldreamer. Was amazing, but i think the ending stanza could be worked on a bit. But apart from that the wording flowed through perfectly and the rhyme scheme again, was very well written. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    I think you used the word "she" too much here. There are places where you could do without it.

    What stood out to me the most here was your perfect flow and flawless use of imagery. I was lured in by first stanza and was left wanting more. Very effective in getting me interested. Your rhyme was right on point here without anything seeming out of place or forced.

    "The boy and the girl walk together,
    Happy as can be
    Until the day her father calls to her,
    The one man she never again wished to see."
    ^this stanza threw off the flawless flow you created. I'm not sure what you intended by it but it seemed out of place.

    The final stanza was a bit weak in my opinion. You started off so strong and I expected more in the ending but was just left hanging. I think if you improve the last stanza, this was be an amazing piece.

    Well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by PlasticSmile

    Amazing, and unique(in a good way). You have talent, keep writing <3

  • 15 years ago

    by Kimberley

    This did not suck!!!! i loved it. it was so unique and amazing!! it was written well and had a great flow and story behind it. 5/5 ggod job ~KM~

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    This was very unique, I liked it. You were very good in your description and the flow was great. keep it up 5/5