What i mean is..

by MERCY is never shown   Dec 11, 2008


I kiss here
to tell you this
i touch there
to tell you that
i kiss your lips
to say i love you
i kiss your nose
to hear you laugh
lips to cheek
your just a friend
i touch your head
in comfort
lips to your neck
to tell you i want you
anywhere else
and ill be careful
fingers twisted in your hair
let you know i cant live with out you
your hand intertwined with mine
pure bliss
your arms at my waist
i need you and I'll protect you
a hug
to say i care
a smile
to tell you i like you
i wink
just to flirt
i look away
hiding my true feelings
a tender kiss
to say your mine
i bite my lip
to await your kiss
when a tear falls
i start to lose you
once I'm crying
i know your gone

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    Mhkay. Here we go. First off, The way you have written the poem is very unappealing to readers, when it's seperated in stanza's, the lines are much easier to read and interpret as a whole, compared to here, where you can kinda get overpowered by all the lines, most poets would simply skip over a poem written like this. No offense to you of course. I would simply consider changing the way it has been written.

    "I kiss here
    to tell you this

    ^I would add a comma after 'this', it kinda ends the thought so you can move on.

    i touch there
    to tell you that

    ^Capetalize the "i"'s I know it's a simple error, but it honestly makes a big difference in how the reader takes your work, whether it be to think of you in a serious mannar or not. It's littering this poem, so I mean it for all of the other lines as well as this one. Oh, and the same for the commas, every time you change your subject of thought, I would either put a comma or a period to show it.

    i kiss your lips
    to say i love you
    i kiss your nose
    to hear you laugh

    ^Hmm, I think "I kiss your nose to hear YOUR laugh" would sound better.

    lips to cheek
    your just a friend

    ^Second line, "your" should be "you're" or "you are"
    i touch your head
    in comfort

    ^Maybe instead of "in comfort" try "to comfort you" or something like that, it seems to blank to me.

    lips to your neck
    to tell you i want you
    anywhere else
    and ill be careful

    ^ "ill" actually means something completely different then "I'll" so please, change it.

    fingers twisted in your hair
    let you know i cant live with out you

    ^"cant" isn't actually a word.. "cannot" or "can't" would be more correct. Also, "with out" is really one word, "without".

    your hand intertwined with mine
    pure bliss
    your arms at my waist
    i need you and I'll protect you
    a hug
    to say i care
    a smile
    to tell you i like you

    ^I think "says I like you" instead of "to tell you I like you" would be more appetizing to the eyes of the reader.

    i wink
    just to flirt
    i look away
    hiding my true feelings
    a tender kiss
    to say your mine
    i bite my lip
    to await your kiss
    when a tear falls
    i start to lose you
    once I'm crying
    i know your gone

    ^Again, "your" is supposed to be "you're" or "you are"

    There are a LOT of grammar mistakes in this poem, and it could be easily changed into something magnificent by fixing just a few things, if you could do that, I think the poem would change dramatically for the better.

    I like the idea of it, it's cute, but it isn't very unique as I've read plenty like it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a good idea. (:

  • 15 years ago

    by AnCi

    I like the poem but i feel that i have read many similar poems like this one =/

  • 15 years ago

    by CrossCut

    I really liked how you ended it. You went through almost kind of stages and then ended with a last line that was great. Really good show of emotion to show how you care for someone. 5/5

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