Unwanted (But Needed) Recovery.

Guilt is searing through me,
Underneath the warmth of your smile, of course.
I can't tell wrong from right;
Are you the wrong or are you the right?

I see your hand interlocked in hers, and I flinch.
It's an automatic reaction -
Just like the jealousy flashing through my mind.
It's completely uncontrollable.

I doubt your words. I doubt your feelings.
And confusion is surging through my limbs -
Make it stop. Please.

The truth is resting in the back of my mind,
Behind all of this sin.
It screams at me; only yelling nonsense, I'm afraid.
That little voice is angry enough to kill,
As it says, "You're going to get burned."

I ignore it.
Is that wrong?
Or is it right?

I'm ashamed of my actions, I think.
But -
Nothing is comprehensible with your smile in place.
Nothing is comprehensible with the words you say.
Absolutely nothing.
So how can I differentiate between shame -
and whatever else this may be?

You kiss her, love her, smile at her -
What the hell am I doing?
Oh, that's right. I'm wishing for the same thing,
And you can't give it to me. You know that.
-We- know that.

One, two, three.
I'm taking small steps toward recovery.
A recovery away from [you].

This is it --
(Breathe in, breathe out.)
It's over.
We're done.

...I think.

December 14, 2008
(c) Stephanie Lynn