Break my wings

by Brandon Lee   Dec 16, 2008


Youve broke me down with all your lies.
You took all hope of another life.
You brought me down, you broke my wings.
I had worked so hard to rise above this scene.
Now you leave me here to drown in misery.
Is there any hope for you and me?
Now youve come back, after you walked out the door.
You want to help me mend my wings, so that I can soar.
You tell me how you are so sorry.
You give me hope again, for you and me.

Youve broke me down with all your lies.
You took all hope of another life.
Your tore down my will till I gave up.
You tear me to pieces, havent you had enough?
You left me in the dark. all I can do is crawl.
You left me alone with no one to break my fall.
Youve opened up my eyes, now I can see.
There is no hope for you and me.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    You have a good poem here. It's worded oddly but I'll give you an example or two on how to fix that and you can go through and do what you please. I do suggest watching stuff like 'youve' = you've and when 'you' = you've/you're/your.. so on.

    EXAMPLES:

    Youve broke me down with all your lies.
    You took all hope of another life.

    [You've broken me down within your lies,
    You've taken my hope of another life.]

    Your tore down my will till I gave up.
    You tear me to pieces, havent you had enough?
    You left me in the dark. all I can do is crawl.
    [You tore me down until I gave up,
    You broke me in pieces, haven't you had enough?
    You left me in the dark, all I can do is crawl]

    - Last line is well written, I liked it. The line before 'tear' is like now, as if she's doing it now. And the rest were past tense.

    (I'd look over EVERY line and do what you want to change it, but I do suggest quite a few changes.)

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Youve broke me down with all your lies.
    You took all hope of another life.
    You brought me down, you broke my wings.
    I had worked so hard to rise above this scene."

    First line: "Youve" should be "You've".
    And going on in this piece, you have too many pronouns. You is constantly repeated and ruined parts of the poem for me. Try adding other words instead of repeating.

    "Now you leave me here to drown in misery.
    Is there any hope for you and me?
    Now youve come back, after you walked out the door.
    You want to help me mend my wings, so that I can soar."

    Good rhyming, I like what you're saying here.

    Overall, 4/5. I would look over this piece and edit and revise the "you" parts, I just think you could be a bit more orginal, but that's my opinion. Otherwise, this poem was good and heartfelt. Take care...