Thine Heart Bleedeth

What a soulful poem sherry... firstly belated congratulations on your win.. And secondly, I loved your old-english attempt.. To learn new things is one thing and getting praised for the same is other...I loved the message you give in here and it depicts a wise note of life...

Thine heart hast become of diamonds
no more a soul alloweth to break through
thee blood that bleedeth from thy wound-- black
for thou grieve; continued to corrupt-doomed

^^
A wonderful start and having compared the heart to a diamond is brilliant and depicts how a heart which has turned so hard is always reluctant to accept the truth and criticism.

Shalt thou be forever prisoned
within thine own walls of misery
can ye not findeth a way
to somehow set thee free

^^
Yes, its always so wrong to capture and prison your views, understanding and not giving it an air of freedom... Good visual put up here..

Release thy guilt from thine own soul
comfort and peace wilt then be bestowed
binding thy evils from haunting thine every move
toils no more; thy feet and shackles now becometh twain

^^

Life is all about give and take and not a one-sided business...

Thine heart shalt then be as clay
alloweth to bend and mold-blessed plight endeared
thine own blood shalt then bleedeth red
boasting thy passion and love whence forth

^^
persevering to become a good human and accepting life to be the way it is makes things easy and everything worthwhile...

Keep writing hun please... I need your dose of inspiration always....
Good work:)

Glad I came across this poem! I love when people input old English into their poems!

The use of demotic english makes this piece clasic and authentic.its a perfect piece

"Thine heart hast become of diamonds
no more a soul alloweth to break through
thee blood that bleedeth from thy wound-- black
for thou grieve; continued to corrupt-doomed"

**I know this is redundant, you've already received fantastic praise, and suggestions to fix the tiny Old Eng. grammar issues. I would like to say that Old Eng. is notoriously difficult to use to write poetry, nut your piece is brilliantly done and managed quite well to navigate your core message without allowing the difficulty of the language bog you down. VERY well done!***

Now, I read the top posts about how to fix some of those hast/hath thine/thee/thou issues, and my own suggestion would be to alter the first line to say "Thine heart hath been remade (or some other past tense reference to being forged again) in diamonds" . You could actually substitute "hath: for "hast" without changing anything else, it just seems to me that it would flow a bit better. Just my opinion.

The third line should be "Thine" instead of "thee", and the fourth line...I can't be sure, but I think you need to add "doest" so the line would read "For thou doest grieve..", or change "thou" to "Thy".

Others have commented and suggested what others I might have and I don't want to overwhelm you with criticisms when I intended to give you much praise for your amazing stab at the very difficult task of recreating a dead (version of) language to use in your work.

Great one :D