Why am I always just a memory?

Sweet Agony,
Why must you stay here with me?
Can't you see I -just- want to be alone
Just let me embrace my misery...

Anguish you aren't welcome either
I just want to feel the -numb- again
I don't like having such emotions
It's the same as it was before

I just wish I could see it clearly...
But everything isn't so clean
There's blood on the walls
Even if it's only imaginary

And I hear those words...
You know the ones I write of
But they aren't directed toward me
Ah, sweet agony.... answer me please

Why am I always just a memory?