Call Me Beautiful

Why doesn't he call me beautiful?
I've tried so hard to be,
I do my hair,
and found just the right color
of eye shadow to
make my eyes sparkle green,
and I've been losing weight!
He says I'm cute
when I wear my green tank top
with the skirt.
Perhaps I ought to wear it
more often.
But I don't want to be cute
I don't want to be hot
or sexy or a babe!
I want to be beautiful!

I know what it is:
I'm too curvy!
My breasts are too big,
my hips too wide,
my thighs too round,
and my butt--
don't even get me started on my butt!
I don't know why I never saw it before--
guys want shapely girls,
not short, plump, curvy girls like me!
I might be cute,
in a school girl kind of way
but I'll never be beautiful!
He said I looked good
but good is like little league baseball
and beautiful is pro!

He broke up with me today...
the classic it's not you it's me excuse
that really means
"while you're pretty,
I found a real girl--someone beautiful,
and why have pretty when
you can have beautiful?"
Starting today
I'm not eating,
I'll show him
what he missed--
I can be beautiful... if I try
and then he'll beg me to take him back!

It's been days and all I have eaten
are these dopey granola bars
and he still hasn't come back!
He hasn't even called!
God--what am I doing wrong?
I'm trying so hard to be beautiful
but I'm just not,
you can put a dress on a pig
but it is still a pig!
And I'm the pig trying to wear dresses!
Why did you make me so ugly God?!?!

Dear child who called you ugly?
You are beautiful
if only you would listen to me.
you would see that too.

It's been two weeks--
two weeks!!!
I've lost ten pounds,
and still nothing!!!
I'm beginning to think
maybe he didn't think I was fat at all.

Precious girl you aren't fat!
I made you, designed you
I blessed every curve,
and every mis-placed hair
you are beautiful because you are mine!!!

Jesus-- it has been
almost a whole month
and he doesn't even notice me anymore.
Why didn't he call me beautiful?
That was all I needed to hear!!!
Help me to see what is wrong with me
please!!!

Wrong with you?
Dear girl, nothing is wrong with you
You are beautiful and
you don't need anyone to tell you that--
you need to believe it!

God--it has been three months.
Three long months
but I think I'm starting to see
your purpose for me.
I'm even starting to see
that maybe, just maybe
I am beautiful.

You are beautiful!
The most beautiful thing to me!!!
You're veiled in love
Shielded by grace
Clothed in mercy
And you are mine through and through
You are the most beautiful thing of all!

Jesus--I think I get it!
I am yours
and it doesn't matter how much I weigh,
how my hair looks,
whether my eyes sparkle,
what my outfit is
or who I am dating!
I am beautiful!!!
Oh Lord, call me beautiful again!!!

Yes, my beautiful one!

**this is just a spewing of thought in poetic form... it's based on my want and need to be called Beautiful. I'm so sick of people calling women pretty, sexy, hot, etc. I don't think that is what they were designed to be beautiful. but that's just me...**