Vorpal Blade (Double Etheree)

by Mr. Darcy   Mar 22, 2009


Dark
Stone walls
Swell with pain,
A white vacuum,
Gorged on feral fear,
Force fed with icy fist.
Taste the maniacal mirth
Within the vile viscous venom
Crawling, seeking vulnerable depths
Unearthing the child, revealing the pulse
For an eternal moment a smile twists,
And in the shadows a cry is heard,
A recoiling whimper of dread
Undeterred and without shame
Nails like rusted razors
Snicker snack - blood spurts,
Spilling freedom
And stealing
Fragile
Light

M. Moran
22.03.09
21.30

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Dark
    Stone walls
    Swell with pain,"
    `I like the usage of the word swell here, never quite heard something like that before!! Loved your alliteration as well.

    "A white vacuum,
    Gorged on feral fear,
    Force fed with icy fist."
    `Your words are perfect! Some other great alliterations, not sure if they were on purpose or not!

    I wont comment on the rest, you did a very great job with this piece.. it was extremely dark! Lots and lots of alliterations in this piece but they worked nicely together. Great choice of words, and flawless flow. You did a great job, I loved the choice of form as well, that tended to help with the flow a lot more.

    5/5.

    Temps

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Hi sweetheart:)

    You did a wonderful job on this, I could feel the fear as it oozed off the page, he he.

    Oh, I miss you so! I hope the house is nearly done now!

    ((hugs)) xx

    Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    I agree with Cindy. You can feel and taste the fear in this one. As usual an excellent write from you. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Cindy

    Micheal
    I love the Etheree's...you did a awesome job on this one. How dark and spine chilling it was to read your words. You could feel the fear coming from this piece.
    Excellent!
    ((hugs))
    Cindy

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